We live in a particularly violent world, with greatly increased social aggression in recent years.

In addition to my work as a Life Coach and Trainer, I periodically train Black Belts of different Martial Arts in self-defence and, especially, knife defence.

In fact, aggression with proper and improper bladed weapons has become an extremely widespread daily occurrence throughout Italy. And it is not at all obvious that a Black Belt knows how to defend himself against such attacks. In fact, what one learns in a gymnasium or a Dojo, through exercises with partners interested in the same subject, does not in the least reflect the reality one may encounter on the street, nor the ferocious aggressiveness of a raging subject or one in the grip of alcohol or drugs.

At the beginning of my knife-defence seminars, I ask my students if they know any techniques suitable for disarming and encourage them to show them to me. Of course, they use rubber knives, which are harmless.

After having seen a few techniques, carried out with speed and determination against the aggression of a usually very ‘cooperative’ partner, I interrupt their demonstration and take from my bag a long sharp, pointed steel knife, asking them to repeat the techniques carried out just before and at the same speed...

The reaction is always the same: they look at me astonished and a little confused, not knowing if it is a joke...

From that point on, the real lesson in knife defence begins.

Defending oneself against an attacker armed with a knife is really very difficult and to assume that techniques studied in a Dojo can be useful to resolve that kind of dangerous situation without consequences is a serious mistake.

Let us also consider that the people who would most need to feel capable of successfully dealing with an attack are not Black Belts, but ordinary people, men, women and even the elderly: people who have no combat experience and whose reflexes may be inadequate for a prompt and intelligent reaction. Not to mention the weight of the emotion of fear that inevitably diminishes the ability to analyse and assess the situation.

It is therefore necessary to clarify and compile a useful check-list to make appropriate decisions:

1 - Can I avoid the encounter and possible confrontation by moving away quickly? If the answer is yes and women, children or the elderly are not also in immediate danger, I must immediately move away from that place and report that particular dangerous situation to the police.

2 - If I cannot avoid the encounter, I must at least try to avoid the confrontation. I must first assess whether the aggressor is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

I will also need to understand whether he or she is an angry or furious person… In fact, there is a substantial and significant difference between these two emotional states: anger is a modifiable energy and can potentially be directed towards channels other than violence. Normally, an angry person is still able to listen and reflect on the words being spoken.

But if the attacker is not angry but 'furious', no de-escalation attempt can be made, and the only available option will be to flee or to react defensively in an immediate manner. This highlights the importance of being able to distinguish with utmost precision and speed the true condition of someone who intends to harm us.

This crucial approach is called de-escalation, and it should always be the first option when one is not facing a sudden and deliberate attack aimed at causing harm.

De-escalation, if possible, represents the highest and most intelligent form of defence against any type of violent attack.

In a future article, I will discuss it in greater detail, as it is a highly interesting topic even for Life Coaches and NLP Trainers who operate in a world undergoing rapid change, where verbal violence and aggression have become a social norm.

3 - The third and final option is defensive reaction, which, however, requires appropriate training not only in technique but also in mindset. As a practitioner and Instructor of Shotokan Karate for over forty-five years, I am fully aware that Martial Arts are not always effective in street fights due to the unpredictability of the aggressor, the weight of negative emotions such as fear of the other person, and their way of being aggressive, or of causing injury.

The codified techniques, perfectly executed by Martial Arts practitioners, are often of little use against the "imperfection and unpredictability" of a fierce and rapid attack that takes place outside the patterns tested for years with collaborative and potentially harmless partners and outside the familiar and protective environment of the Dojo, where rules of safety and cooperation between students prevail. 

An effective self-defence method, that allows for quicker and more accessible learning, even for those who have never practised Martial Arts, is Krav Maga.

It is neither a Martial Art nor a combat sport, but it "gets straight to the point": through meticulous mental and physical preparation, it enables anyone to attempt a successful defence against many types of aggression, including knife attacks. As a discipline "born on the streets", it does not have "technical traditions" to uphold, but is instead constantly evolving with the times.

Even in Krav Maga, Instructors dedicate a significant part of their training to teaching students to prioritise, whenever possible, de-escalation.

Guiding an angry mind to a new level of uncertainty and then to peace is not an easy task, but it is highly impactful—certainly more so than mere "disarmament." Even with individuals under the influence of alcohol or drugs, de-escalation is sometimes possible.

Aggressions can generally be divided into two types: sudden attacks that leave no choice but physical contact, and those where the aggressor gradually escalates their anger and prepares to strike. In this second type of aggression, there is usually time to attempt de-escalation, provided that one avoids arguments, insinuations, humiliation, or insults.

I will continue to address this topic because I believe it is a fundamentally important option in a world increasingly slipping into violence: de-escalation and personal success always converge at the same point in any activity that involves danger or crisis management.

After all, the main goal of Krav Maga practitioners is to "Walk in Peace", and it is precisely this "peace" that must find a place in the heart of those who wish to live life without being drawn into the darker corners of an increasingly violent, superficial, distracted, seemingly "super-connected" but instead extremely lonely humanity.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - November, 21, 2024).

Owen Fitzpatrick is an NLP Master Trainer and psychologist whom I met in Rimini in July 2010, during one of his presentations. I don't think he still remembers that distant meeting, but I remember well that young Irish man with a talent for simplifying the complexity (and sometimes artificiality) of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

In part, his talent resembled that of Michael Yapko, an American psychotherapist known in the 1990s and very active in the treatment of depression, with the great ability to ‘make what was difficult look easy’, in a world that, if anything, constantly tries to do the opposite.

Both are able to engage the audience without the need to go into tedious and boring details, often useless for an instinctive understanding of a concept. As Jeffrey Zeig, Director of the Milton H. Erickson Foundation used to say: "If you want to engage, you mustn't go too deep...!". This is only partially true: instead, it is absolutely necessary to attempt to simplify comlexity in a correct way.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming, after the first years of euphoria and activity, often stopped in front of the empty chairs of participants who never came.

This is because, already for the first Practitioner Level, articulated knowledge of a ‘technical grammar’ (often derived from the complex work of the great psychotherapist and hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson), is required.

In subjects that require strong and deep learning, the difference lies in the quality of the trainer to carry out the topics by simplifying their development, but without detracting from the completeness of the concepts explained.

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, the effectiveness of learning is not solely dependent on the content or techniques being taught, but also on the teaching style employed by the Trainer.

The way information is delivered, plays a crucial role in ensuring that students not only understand but also engage with and apply NLP principles in their lives. A dynamic and engaging teaching style keeps learners attentive and motivated.

NLP concepts can sometimes be complex, but when presented in a light, interactive, and enjoyable manner, they become more accessible and easier to retain.

Trainers who use storytelling, humour, and real-life examples help bridge the gap between theory and practice, making learning both effective and enjoyable.

NLP covers a wide range of techniques, from understanding body language to reprogramming thought patterns. A Trainer who simplifies these concepts and communicates them clearly ensures that students grasp the core ideas without feeling overwhelmed.

Trainers like Owen Fitzpatrick or Michael Yapko, known for their clear and engaging delivery, are examples of how effective teaching can make even the most challenging concepts easier to understand and apply.

An essential part of any teaching style is the passion the Trainer brings to the subject. Enthusiasm is contagious: when Trainers are passionate about NLP, it inspires students to take a deeper interest in the material. This inspiration motivates students to practice what they’ve learned and apply it in their personal and professional lives. Effective NLP Trainers also tailor their teaching style to the needs of their audience. Just as NLP promotes flexibility in thinking and behaviour, an adaptable teaching style addresses different learning styles. Some students may learn better through visual examples, others through hands-on exercises. An adaptable Trainer ensures that all learners can connect with the material.

A light and enjoyable atmosphere fosters a sense of comfort and openness among students. When learning is fun, students are more likely to participate, ask questions, and engage with the material. This creates a positive feedback loop, where students feel encouraged to explore the subject deeper.

In summary, the teaching style in NLP is as important as the content itself.

A successful NLP Trainer strikes a balance between simplicity and depth, passion and clarity, ensuring that students can fully embrace and apply the transformative power of NLP.

Today, in Italy, but also in other parts of Europe, interest in NLP has declined sharply due to a lack of interest in a discipline that, if poorly explained, can be very difficult to learn and even more difficult to practice.

Furthermore, a misconception has settled in people's minds that NLP is an exclusively suitable tool for companies and salespeople who need appropriate verbal and non-verbal tools to implement their operational skills.

In fact, NLP, through its numerous applications in different fields, is capable of improving quality of life by facilitating the achievement of personal, private, social, public, and professional goals.

Certainly, NLP allows the practitioner to refine his or her communicative and relational skills, and this is already a great achievement when we consider the enormous importance of the quality of a relationship in gaining supporters rather than detractors.

We must think that Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a psychological approach that focuses on understanding and improving the connections between the brain (neuro), language (linguistic), and patterns of behaviour (programming). Since its development in the 1970s, NLP has gained popularity in personal development, communication, and therapy. Here are some of its main qualities:

Enhanced Communication Skills

One of the most prominent features of NLP is its ability to improve communication. It teaches individuals to be more mindful of verbal and non-verbal cues, enabling them to better understand others' emotions and intentions. This is beneficial in both personal and professional relationships, as clear and empathetic communication fosters better connections and reduces misunderstandings.

Goal Achievement

NLP provides tools and techniques that help individuals set and achieve their goals more effectively. By breaking down complex challenges into manageable steps and visualising success, NLP practitioners can overcome mental blocks, build confidence, and stay focused on their objectives. This makes it a powerful tool in personal development and career progression.

Behavioural Flexibility

NLP encourages adaptability by teaching individuals to be flexible in their behaviours and thinking patterns. Rather than being rigid or stuck in old habits, NLP promotes the idea of multiple ways to solve a problem. This flexibility allows practitioners to respond more creatively to challenges and adjust their actions to achieve better results.

Emotional Control and Resilience

NLP provides techniques to manage emotions, enabling individuals to stay calm and composed in stressful situations. It helps them reframe negative experiences and emotions, allowing for more positive thinking and emotional resilience. This quality is particularly useful in managing anxiety, stress, or self-doubt.

Improved Relationships

Through its focus on empathy, rapport-building, and understanding others’ perspectives, NLP helps individuals improve their relationships. By honing listening skills and mirroring others’ body language, NLP practitioners create stronger connections, build trust, and foster more collaborative environments.

In summary, the key qualities of NLP — enhanced communication, goal achievement, flexibility, emotional control, and improved relationships — make it a valuable tool for personal growth and professional success. Its wide range of applications in various fields highlights its potential to transform lives.

But if all of this is true, what caused the decline in interest in this discipline?

As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, it was caused by poor Trainers, meaning people with little expertise in the subject or experts who were unable to transfer, in a simple and passionate way, concepts that are not easy to understand and learn but are certainly useful in any important endeavour.

It is therefore essential to take inspiration from Trainers like Owen Fitzpatrick, Michael Yapko and many others, who are able to convey their knowledge to students in a simple, engaging, and impactful way.

The advice for aspiring NLP Trainers is to, alongside serious study of the technique, develop a personal teaching style that is never heavy or boring, but as light, enjoyable, and captivating as possible.

This lightness, which is not to be confused with superficiality, will be the winning card for successfully offering important and useful Training such as NLP.

Nowadays there is a tendency to mix different disciplines together, structuring for example ‘NLP-Coaching Course', or ‘Coaching-NLP Course'...
I prefer to keep these two techniques clearly separate and to use them as different "arrows" for the "bow" with which to reach the more exclusive goals of psychophysical well-being and greatly improve personal communication skills.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - October, 4, 2024).

...Once upon a time on planet Earth there was an ancient proverb that said: ‘When the disciple is ready, the master appears’...

But times have changed and today we live in a world where masters outnumber disciples...

On the other hand, there is a surprising number of false disciples and just as many false masters who continually take ‘new paths’ that lead nowhere.

Indeed, we observe an increasingly confused society, even about things that once seemed to be certain.

Early recourse to unjustified cosmetic surgery (as a present for 18th birthday...!), to shape the face, breast and body according to "current models", leads to an inability to ‘recognise oneself’ and creates serious personality problems that negatively affect character development and, consequently, every daily choice.

Even sexuality is in question, given the growing number of adolescents who struggle to understand its meaning and who would like to choose, sometimes in conflict with Nature, which side to be on’, often wrongly assuming gender dysphoria.

Evidently, these insecurities are partly understandable, but amplified and artfully exploited by misinformed people, social media and unscrupulous commercial and political organisations.

The new duties of inclusion, inclusive language and politically correct, have overflowed, overwhelming even common sense that helped to understand the limits within which it was necessary to remain.

In the midst of all this interpretative chaos of a daily reality oriented more towards the unnatural than the natural and dependent to a large extent on the tight grip of social media, it is very difficult to re-establish a proper training relationship. But also and above all to acquire, through a real and not virtual experience, a correct way of thinking, seeing and understanding life.

Today, anyone with no skills nor talents, can propose anything, even the silliest of trainings, and find legions of followers ready to set off on impossible journeys or meaningless and sometimes highly dangerous practices.

These events produce an ever-increasing distrust in the most motivated students, leading to the inability to seriously discern the true from the false, the useful from the useless, the constructive from the destructive or self-destructive.

It should also be added that advertisements for any type of training often praise the ease of learning without effort and in just a few days, using improbable methods which will only result in stimulating the students' short-term memory without leaving any trace in their deep learning.

But it is precisely in deep, long-term memory that the foundations are laid, which stimulate new ideas and behaviours, better suited to positively facing a reality that is rapidly and often traumatically changing.

Furthermore, the growing and massive consumption of alcohol and drugs by younger people, makes their brains less able to achieve those important balances through which endogenous chemical messengers (neurotransmitters), can properly activate, producing functional synapses between nerve cells, as well studied by the renowned neurobiologist Ernest Lawrence Rossi, whom I had the opportunity to meet in the 1990s.

So there is increasing talk about 'training', and an avalanche of courses of all kinds, even the most absurd, is being offered.

It is often forgotten that any training is nothing more than one-third of a whole, with another third made up of the trainer (his actual knowledge of the subject combined with his genuine ability to teach it), and the final third being the students’s real ability to face the challenges and changes required by the type of result they aim to achieve.

Therefore, before answering 'Yes!' to a Coachee’s question: 'I would like to go to Mars...', it is important to assess the actual mental resources available for learning complex subjects, both on the part of the Coach and the Coachee, the real motivations of both, the presence of adequate means to begin the Coaching, and whether there is an effective, documented, and coherent methodology to reach the desired destination.

But technique alone is no longer sufficient to achieve a good result, whether in a training, coaching or helping relationship.

It will instead be of fundamental importance to combine solid technique with the establishment of a genuine and deep 'rapport', which, far from any commercial logic, creates an interesting and constructive 'chemistry' between teacher and student, through which any project can become achievable.

For all these reasons, trainers must be carefully chosen.

But the students must also be carefully chosen, to avoid starting a pointless journey that will never lead to the desired place.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - October, 3, 2024).

Whenever two people enter into a relationship with each other, we have to imagine that not only those two people but 'two worlds' will approach each other at such a distance that they can pass from one to the other across a simple and short 'bridge'.

Two worlds with a lot of content of things, situations and people, full of experiences of successes, failure, beliefs, values and convictions that do not always dialogue peacefully with those of the interlocutors and reference environment.

At the beginning of every relationship, in the few seconds that elapse during the presentation and the first words spoken, a mental image is formed, right or wrong, which gives rise to both an arbitrary judgement and the assignment of a precise role, which is also almost always completely arbitrary and very often inappropriate.

Each party will attempt to draw the other into its own world, immediately subjecting it to its own laws and rules.

It is almost inevitable that this will happen, since remaining in one's own world while ignoring or disregarding the invitation will create barriers of distrust, suspicion and revulsion in the other. However, it is quite normal to be apprehensive about entering a world different from one's own.

On the other hand, "entering the other's world" means, as we have already said, submitting oneself to laws and rules that are difficult to understand because they are created ad hoc to allow the "master of that world" to prevail over any visitor or guest.

If in the Helping Relationship the Coach makes the mistake of entering (or allowing himself to be attracted) into the Coachee's world, not only will he/she immediately lose a "correct external point of view of the situation" and of the project to be realised, but he/she will also have to confront the Coachee in useless, potentially dangerous "games", whose nature he/she totally ignores and in which he/she has little or no chance of winning.

The Project must initially be developed outside both worlds and only at a later stage will it finally find both space and time within that of the Coachee.

It is not the Project that hosts the world, but the other way around, so it is essential that the Coachee's world, which had evidently impeded or failed to facilitate the success of the desired undertaking, becomes a "new world" capable of properly hosting that Project.

Similarly, it is wrong and clumsy, typical of inexperienced Coaches, to attempt to lure the Coachee into one's own world.

Even assuming, with many reservations, that it is a place where all forms of success prevail, the Coachee will not be able to remain forever in a world that does not belong to him even if in that space and time he were to experience many forms of success.

If this were to happen, the Coachee's stay would turn into a psychological dependency and this bad result would only worsen her/his human condition.

The approach of the two worlds must also be implemented with due slowness, to avoid the real risk of a very dangerous collision.

In the light of these reflections based on an ongoing practice of more than a decade, it is my belief that the two worlds must remain at a minimum 'safe distance', united and at the same time separated by a 'bridge', half built by each party.

Coach and Coachee must live in each other's worlds and find themselves in the middle of the bridge they have built.

During each meeting they can have a glimpse into each other's worlds but never actually enter them.

In every Coaching Project the most important thing is not so much to show the other person one's world, but for the Coachee to see, recognise and desire to make new and better changes, capable of allowing the realisation of objectives previously considered impossible or difficult to achieve.

For the Coach the primary objective is to stimulate in Coachees both the necessary potentialities and the strength to express them concretely. The secondary objective is to "add experience to experience", so as to develop a progressively more incisive and "clean" Coaching technique.

By 'Clean Coaching technique' I mean an approach devoid of any form of coercion or manipulation of the Coachee's character.

While within a military organisation we can accept and approve a "directive and authoritarian approach" and even in some forms of Helping Relationships a "hierarchical" confrontation may be admissible, it cannot be so in the Art of Coaching.

Coaching, in its highest application, is basically a flanking of two sensitivities that constantly confront each other in search of suitable solutions to reach a common goal in a perfect balance. Whenever this flanking gives way to an unevenness between the parties, it is no longer Coaching, but something else.

This is precisely the main difficulty in the correct practice of Coaching by the Coach and the correct experience of Coaching by the Coachee.

Sometimes hierarchy can considerably simplify a relationship, obtaining results in a short time that will never have the required stability. A sudden change of roles, an undesired variation in the relationship, misunderstandings or even the end of the project, with the inevitable estrangement that will follow, will be enough to discover the fragility and temporariness of acquired results.

Moreover, if a Coach has learnt to express Coaching through a "hierarchical relationship", even if functional for the purpose, with enormous difficulty he/she will be able to change his/her erroneous way of referring to an Art that he/she evidently does not know.

The Coach is not a psychologist, he is not a trainer, he is not a consultant, he is not a 'father,' a 'mother', a 'sister' or a  'brother', and he/she is not even a 'friend'...

He/she is a technical expert in human relations who puts the Coachee's wellbeing before his own, without ever instrumentalising that relationship for the benefit of his own selfishness or in the blind self-interest towards the "prestige of success".

In essence, the Coach is a mere "talent developer" and a professional who has the ability to "elicit innate potentialities" that he/she knows how to see and recognise in Coachees as necessary parts of achieving the desired and agreed objective.

Often students I meet at my Trainings describe to me the relationship they have with their Coach and, almost always, I think it is not Coaching but something else. Sometimes it is a relationship between master and learner, other times between leader and follower or between professor and student, other times between guru and disciple, or between two friends... In all these cases one cannot speak of "Life Coaching" but of relationships that contain a higher risk potential, if aimed at achieving success within a Coachee-specific Personal Project.

Every relationship, of whatever nature, including the Helping Relationship, implies a risk of a degeneration that will almost always mainly affect the more fragile subject.

For example, the Coach's desire to stimulate Coachee's new potentialities in order to respect the signed "work contract", can become a continuous and even "cruel assault".

Above all, if difficulties become too substantial and the realisation of the agreed Project starts to appear unfeasible, there is a tendency in a large part of poorly trained Coaches to attribute responsibility to the Coachee, destroying in a single instant what little self-esteem they had possibly acquired during the first phases of the work. These Coaches ignore, forget or do not want to remember that they "play" with their Coachees' most intimate and dearest dreams, but also with their dignity and self-esteem.

In conclusion, it must be understood that no form of Helping Relationship, including Coaching, can be considered neutral: it either determines good, or determines bad, it either improves a situation or makes it worse, with no middle ground. Rarely in Coaching Courses this topic is addressed, in order to avoid frightening or disorientating aspiring Coaches.

Reference is made to a "Code of Ethics" which, in the intentions of the School or Association, should clarify and regulate relations between parties.

Unfortunately, the Code of Ethics, if not preceded by a rigorous Training, strictly adhering to Coaching application principles, becomes a simple reading (and sometimes not even that!), absolutely useless to structure a "clean" relationship, i.e. free from those "interferences" and "prevarications" that will highlight a relationship very different from Coaching with potentially unstable results.

So if we are professional Coaches (and a Coach must always be a professional in his/her work!), let's ask ourselves if we are correctly applying all the principles of this formidable Art of relationship and human behaviour.

If we are Coachees, let's instead ask ourselves if we are receiving "commands from above" or if we are experiencing a satisfying condition of support and alignment with the Coach. In the first case let's immediately ask ourselves what kind of Helping Relationship we have entered into and try to get out of it as soon as possible. In the second case it will be possible to enjoy the "Journey" progressively and serenely developing all those potentials which, transformed into new skills, will lead towards the desired horizons.

Coach and Coachee are two separate Worlds united by a bridge and must remain so.

The Project is initially born and developed at the centre of that "bridge" that unites, but also separates, the two "worlds".

Simultaneously with the development of the Project, the Coachee will be constantly working to make important changes within his/her own world that is to host the Project.

It is important to remember that before adding something that will create 'the new world', the Coachee must begin by removing the uselessness from the 'old world'.
In fact, if he/she does not remove, he/she cannot add.

This is for two reasons: one of 'space' and one related to the likelihood that the new things are not fully accepted by the old ones, leading to inner frictions that are not conducive to the formation of new and better thinking and acting skills.
Every professional Coach who has developed his or her talents through diversified and international Training, knows this rule well and applies it as early as possible during the Life Coach's assignment.

Only when the "New World" is born and has visibly materialised, will the Coachee be able to include the Project on which they have worked assiduously within this new and improved reality.

I leave to the Reader of this article the attribution of precise meanings to the concepts of "Worlds", "Bridge", "Centre of the Bridge", "New World", together with a profound reflection about 'Clean and not Clean Coaching techniques', and what it really means: 'The Project is initially born and developed at the centre of that "bridge" that unites the two worlds'...

I also ask you to elaborate on the concept of: "remove the unnecessary before inserting the new, not to insert the new before having elminated the useless", i.e. obsolete or negative thinking techniques, unsuitable for pursuing new and better goals.

In every project, and particularly in Coaching Projects, there are timeframes to be strictly adhered to, and anticipating or postponing an event or learning may compromise the outcome of all the work already done.

Also remember that nothing good can come from a lack of freedom.

And last but not least, remember to apply to this Art those Generative Functions that it always requires.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - August, 14, 2024)

In any kind of helping relationship, in Psychotherapy, Coaching, NLP, Counselling, but also in Negotiation, the most important variable is the identity and personality set of the professional providing this service.

Very often those who follow Coaching Training to become Life Coaches or Coach Trainers, have a past without significant personal successes behind them and hope, through this kind of work, to take a shortcut to personal success as a Coach or Coach Trainer.

Nothing could be more wrong: in every helping relationship it is essential that the Coach or Trainer has a "practical memory" of what success is and what needs to be done to achieve it within an acceptable timeframe.

Without this "practical memory" Coaching is merely an attempt to apply an empirical technique to elicit the capacities of a human being in difficulty in his quest for success, in whatever field.

For example, a student who wants to become an aeroplane pilot, but who has only taken a theoretical course, needs to have an Instructor Pilot next to him in the practical part who not only has a considerable number of flying hours under his belt, but who has possibly also faced tests and emergencies first-hand that he has been able to solve.

Not only that: in addition to being a good pilot with adequate flying experience, the Instructor must also be able to transmit confidence and correct training to the student.

The same thing happens in Psycotherapy, Coaching, NLP, Counselling and even Negotiation.

In particular, the Life Coach must possess certain decisive skills:

1 - To have a very elastic concept of 'life' that is applicable to any Client who wishes to be helped in a particular undertaking.

2 - To have above all a 'successful practical life' behind him/her and not only ‘a good academic background’, however prestigious it may be.

3 - Having faced and overcome a substantial number of obstacles on one's own strength.

4 - Having a good understanding of what a 'chain of error' is, what it can be generated by and how it can be interrupted.

5 - Have no particular frustrations that might expose him/her to the risk of hasty, impulsive and erroneous judgements.

6 - Not seeing the Coachee as his "instrument of success".

7 - Do not have the tendency to shift the blame for a failure onto the Coachee.

8 - Being able to understand that each human being has his or her own and personal way of reacting to difficulties and that these reactive models may be very different from his or her own, but not necessarily inadequate.

9 - To be able to understand that each human being has his/her own time frame for understanding the problem, for theoretical resolution and for practical resolution.

10 - Be able to understand and verify together with the Coachee any "secondary advantages of the problem" that may firmly anchor the Coachee to a failure.

11 - Through his or her own personal experience, the difficulties encountered and overcome in the course of life, the correct assessment of reaction times to "enter the chaos" and come out with a new and better value system, the Life Coach can effectively help his or her Coachee.

12 - Finally, like a professional athlete who perfectly balances effort and rest to achieve a goal, the Life Coach will draw on their own personal life experience to successfully apply the right alternation of action and rest periods for their Coachee.

Thus, the novice Life Coach should not seek their own success in the success of others, but must have a life that, after overcoming trials and obstacles, has led them to success.

But what is success?

First and foremost, it is a high level of serenity and inner peace that does not necessarily come from things, situations, or people.

It is not economic success, nor a degree of popularity, nor even acquired social power.

Rather, it is a self-perception dominated by a sense of security and mental flexibility, essential for facing changes.

It is not the control of emotions, but a balanced coexistence between the world of instincts and that of reason.

It is not the "desire to prove", but instead the desire to share one's own experience with others, making it accessible to build or strengthen the "muscles of personal success" in Coachees.

If, as a natural consequence of professionally performed high-level work, economic success, popularity, and, in some cases, the development of positive social power also arrives, it will be necessary to ensure that these do not become indispensable and primary adaptations in the public and private life of the Life Coach.

In conclusion: one does not become a Psychologist to cure their own psychopathologies, one does not become a Coach to try to prove to others, and especially to Coachees, that they can do what they do not know how to do, and one does not become a Negotiator if one is not first of all able to negotiate effectively with oneself.

Student candidates for Coaching Courses often ask me as a first question: "How soon will I become a Life Coach and when can I start working...?". My answer is always the same: "When interesting and positive changes occur in you and you overcome all the obstacles that have always stopped you in your most important projects, then you can start studying to become a Life Coach. After at least one year of intensive study and one year of continuous practice, you will probably be able to start offering yourself as a Life Coach".

Hardly, after this answer, will the prospective student proceed to enrol...

We are in the age of everything and now, where patience, perseverance and commitment are almost meaningless words for a large proportion of people entering the world of work.

A Coaching School, in order to continue to exist, must accept anyone and, even worse, satisfy the needs of "anything and everything" with Courses compressed into a week or little more, some even the two or three weekends after which the level of ife Coach is conferred to people who won't even know where to start and if, driven by the "desire to try", they find unfortunate Coachees, they will do damage.

In fact, it is necessary to remember that a Life Coach is in close relationship not only with the Coachee, but above all, with his/her greatest dreams and desires.

Being aware of this great responsibility means providing an accurate training and building an experience assisted by a qualified Supervisor who, when he/she recognises the Life Coach's actual "practical" abilities, will finally encourage him/her to undertake the profession autonomously.

But probably, the best path that can be proposed to a person who wish to become a Life Coach, is to follow an initial period as a Coachee, with the aim of preparing those important changes that will lead them to be a successful Life Coach but, above all, to understand if that is the profession they really want.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - July, 27, 2024)

What do Life Coaching and Negotiation have in common?

According to my point of view and experience, without claiming that this article is approved by everyone, I believe that there are two professions that require an immense capacity for self-control combined with intelligence, sensitivity, open-mindedness, rigorous preparation but also strong capacityfor improvisation: Life Coaching and, above all, Negotiation.

Both are highly refined Communication Arts that must be approached with serious and consistent study, never forgetting the monthly updates. Life Coaching and Negotiation are indeed professions in continuous evolution that require a great mental flexibility.

Study is essential but personal development is equally necessary: technique unaccompanied by a balanced interaction of one's own harmoniously developed and emotionally controlled personality with that of the interlocutor is almost always useless.
In the world I have known many Coaching and Negotiation professionals who have participated in countless Trainings and Conferences, who have studied the texts of the best authors and who have obtained many diplomas and certifications: however, a deep insecurity remains in them due to a lack of work on themselves.
Finding a point of inner balance is crucial to realising both one's own desires and those of others.

A sense of inferiority should never be perceived, nor a sense of superiority: both feelings do not lead to the Way of Life Coaching, nor to the Way of Negotiation.
The Life Coach and Negotiator are not primarily Trainers and play totally different and much more complex roles.

The qualities of a good Life Coach and a good Negotiator are similar and closely interlinked, and to recognise them it is enough to answer 31 questions:

The first is: "Do you care enough about others to become a Life Coach or a Negotiator?". The first big unusual recruitment campaign in New Zealand was launched in 2017, with the aim of making the police force more representative. The slogan was "Do you care enough about other people to become a policeman?". There is a strong and definite need here to distance oneself from those who approach an helping relationship (Police forces are a tool of the helping relationship), with prior frustrations and an insane desire to control and dominate others. In all the Communication Arts applied to the helping relationship in all its aspects, the same concept should always be even more valid.

The second is: "Am I really able to control my tendency to make snap judgments about the people I meet?".

The third is: "Am I in control of my emotions, can I actually limit their flow to prevent them from disturbing my concentration and objectivity?".

The fourth is: "Have I definitively resolved performance anxiety in me?".

The fifth is: "Do I have a good relationship with myself?".

The sixth is: "Do I have a good relationship with food?".

The seventh is: "Am I dependent on drugs or supplements that I consider indispensable?".

The eighth is: "Do I have frustrations or unfulfilled desires that condition my thoughts and life?".

The ninth is: "Am I able to limit the inner interference of envy and jealousy?".

The tenth is: "Have I learnt to respect people by making others respect me?".

The eleventh is: "Do I have control over general anxiety and fear?".

The twelfth is: "Have I really realised that through Life Coaching I hold people's dreams in my hands and through Negotiation I hold people's very destiny in my hands?".

The thirteenth is: "Am I aware that these are two very important and delicate professions that require constant updating and are therefore not viable if we are distracted by other activities?".

The fourteenth is: "Am I aware that both professions require constant theoretical study and an equally constant practical application of what has been studied? It is not possible in practical professions to be full of theory and practice very little”.

The fifteenth is: "Can I see in others with sympathy what they really want even when it is at odds with my own interest?".

The sixteenth is: "Do I have the strength not to depend on social networking and the obsessive control of what others do?".

The seventeenth is: "Can I accept a 'No' or a rejection without it leading to a strong inner destabilisation or a change in my mood?".

The eighteenth is: "Am I able to forget a bad memory or negative emotion without carrying it with me for days, months or years? Can I face and overcome my recurring negative thoughts?

The nineteenth is: "Am I aware of my existential fears?" (see related check box).

The twentieth is: "Am I able to have the elasticity to communicate on the same level as my interlocutor without trying to impose my communication style on him/her?".

The twenty-first is: "When faced with an offensive attitude or one that is considered offensive, am I able to overcome the impact of negative emotions and proceed in the relationship without emotional upset or closure?".

The twenty-second is: "Am I convinced that my importance is greater than that of business card, labels, titles or societies I might join?".

The twenty-third is: "Can I observe others without almost always using a strong, critical magnifying glass?".

The twenty-fourth is: "Am I above my inferiority complexes?".

The twenty-fifth is: "Can I detach my obsessive attention from an answer that I am waiting for and that does not come?".

The twenty-sixth is: "Can I accept without self-pity a reality other than the one I desire?".

The twenty-seventh is: "Can I have a good relationship with my body without becoming obsessive about controlling its changes or symptoms?".

The twenty-eighth is: "Am I able to quickly turn my attention from the detail to the whole?".

The twenty-ninth is: "Am I sure that I don't need continuous and constant daily reassurance about the choices to make?".

The thirtieth is: "Can you shine by your own light or do you need others to enlighten you?".

The thirty-first, and last but not least, is: "Am I really capable of listening to the other person without my mind already thinking of answers to give, questions to ask or objections to express? Does deep listening belong to me or am I still far from it?". Basically, the first and thirty-first points are the same thing, because if you care enough about the people you meet, you will also be able to listen deeply to them. Then you will also be able to understand them.

Other twelve important questions could be added to the previous thirty-one:

- Can you distinguish the reality of others from your own reality without judging it negatively?
- Are you able to create with others a common reality in which everyone is comfortable?
- Do you have racist tendencies?
- Can you overcome the dislike you feel for some people?
- Can you live without feeling a sense of inferiority or superiority?
- Is the focus of your attention in both Life Coachinbg and Negotiation the goal to be achieved or the relationship to be established?
- Are you able to accept silence as a transient and important part of any relationship or is it or are you afraid of it?
- Can you overcome the prejudices you have developed through your experiences?
- Can you identify strengths rather than weaknesses in your interlocutor with admiration but without a sense of inferiority?
- Do you feel the pleasure of giving stronger than that of receiving?
- Are you able to create a bridge to your interlocutor?
- Are you able to "generate love" while speaking?

There are many delicate and personal questions, but it is impossible to become a good Life Coach and an excellent Negotiator without first knowing yourself very well and having the ability to naturally and effortlessly control your emotions. Coaching and Negotiation, before being techniques, are expressions of refined, sincere, empathetic, and powerful human communication aimed at helping those we interact with to find a warm, smiling, facilitating, and inclusive environment.

If you have not answered all questions satisfactorily, maybe it might be better to choose another profession.

Those who choose the profession of Life Coach or Negotiator must be proficient in English, both to keep up-to-date with the latest developments in the technique and to attend conferences and trainings held in the UK or the US. Knowing languages other than one's own is also a sign of mental elasticity that is essential for a Life Coach or Negotiator.

Study alone is useless for achieving the goals of Coaching and Negotiation. It is obvious that both Arts of Communication require preparation and updating, but it must be remembered that, above all, one communicates with the heart, then with eyes, the empathetic emotions, the body and gestures, and finally with voice and words...!

It is not about 'being perfect': perfection does not exist or cannot be a human ambition. But it is a matter of having all the emotional and psychophysical balance needed to face the great challenge that both Life Coaching and Negotiation require, with all the responsibility and professionalism necessary for these extremely delicate tasks.

A few days ago, a kind young woman wrote to me inquiring about the profession of Life Coach and Negotiator and I sent her a preview of this article. She replied to me via video call saddened because she felt she had not solved all the 43 points listed and asked if she could aspire to become a Life Coach and Negotiator despite this problem.
I explained to her that no one should be able to tell her what to do or not to do and that, in any case, it is already a good start to become aware of one's inner problems, knowing that in some way they will affect one's decisions, choices, profession and relationships. However, one has to face one's own unresolved problems and solve them before facing the unresolved problems of others and trying to solve them. Particularly in Life Coaching and Negotiation, unresolved personal problems greatly affect the success of these professions. We have already said it: perfection is not of this world, but attempting to improve oneself is the first step before assuming to improve others by dealing with their wishes, dreams and destiny.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor , Supervisor and Negotiator - May, 18, 2024).

There are a few ways to try to get what you want: Force, Deception, Blackmail, Bargaining, Lawsuit, Mediation and, finally, Negotiation.

Unlike the previous six, Win-Win Negotiation is the most intelligent, paceful, effective, refined and long-term stable form of agreement with another party interested in the same object of contention.

Win-Win Negotiation encapsulates the fantasy of a beautiful fairy tale but also the reality of a fully realised project.
Let us imagine a small and exquisite cake, but one that would have to be divided into two even smaller, mutually unsatisfactory parts...
We should not focus our attention on the desire to eat it all or to get the biggest slice, but create with the other person concerned a common force that allows us to prepare a much bigger cake or to increase the existing one.
Very often the object of contention is a value that before being divided should be expanded to a much larger size than the original one.
To do this, one must detach one's critical and constant focus from the claims of the other party or from the strong inner drives to get what one wants, shifting it instead to the actual interests of both parties.
Creating a partnership based on trust, mutual respect, and powerful but not intrusive or aggressive demands, can enable the formation of a "Friends Team" (term created by CoachingShapes) capable of giving a new and higher value not only to the Negotiation, but above all to the object of the Negotiation.
Indeed, when the word "Friends" becomes an acronym, it reveals the profound meaning of the indispensable elements of a successful Negotiation:
Facilitation of a peaceful, positive and constructive meeting.
Reconciliation and preparation of one's emotions for a meeting built on calm, patience, respect and the necessary time without wasting it in haste.
Identification of all the fundamental elements of Negotiation, including meticulous preparation on the interlocutor, his culture of origin, his actual decision-making capacity, his possible bargaining power, his reasons, his strengths and weaknesses. Also and above all, identification of common objectives on which proposals and counter-proposals will then be expanded.
Exploration of the variables, constants and all the potentially resolving or obstructive elements of the problem, but also exploration of applicable flexibility and concessions that can be implemented to the satisfaction of both parties. The Exploration must be able to identify aspects from which both parties can benefit without losing or winning comparisons: this is the heart of Win-Win Negotiation.
Negotiation means reaching a common goal that both parties present agree upon, without creating dissatisfaction in either party. Underlying any successful Negotiation is an atmosphere of respect, open-mindedness, empathy and a desire to 'help the other', which is very often lacking in poor or very bad Negotiations. Above all, honesty, consistency and integrity are required from the outset, without which little or nothing will be possible.
Development of agreements to increase the value of the subject matter of the negotiation through projections over time that see new synergies and collaborations emerge between individuals who were previously on divergent paths but are now proceeding along the same path.
Solutions for all these nevertheless important details that must find their proper place within the outcome of the Negotiation and its future developments, nipping in the bud any causes of conflict.

It should not be forgotten that Negotiation is a constitutive part of our daily lives in every sphere, time and place: in the workplace, when shopping or selling, among people in the daily chaos, in emotional relationships, in family relationships, in sport and, above all, in the difficulties of life.
The skills required are numerous, but outstanding among them all is that of effective, relaxed, collaborative communication aimed at creating a common strength and not a fractured relationship with the other.
There are different techniques for learning Win-Win Negotiation, but the first skill to be possessed is that of deep and integral listening, that is, the ability to listen to the other without at the same time thinking critically about what he or she is saying or countering his or her arguments: one must simply listen and let all the words that come in enter one's mind and heart, without exception.
At the end of the interlocutor's exposition, one maintains a few seconds of reflective silence and then can express one's own feelings and convictions, always permeated with flexibility and open-mindedness.

So deep integral listening, effective communication, powerful questions, empathy, open-minded respect, flexibility, desire to realise a common project, trust, honesty, patience, perseverance but not insistence, are some of the driving elements of successful Negotiation.

Learning this exquisite Art of effective and powerful communication aimed at Win-Win Negotiation as soon as possible, has become an urgent and indispensable task in today's world.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - May, 5, 2024).

Although our main focus seems to be on Coaching in all its 'Shapes', our main quest is expressed towards Negotiation in its unique and phenomenal form: creating a stable bridge through which to meet the other person and find a common, smiling and beneficial agreement.

At CoachingShapes we use Effective Communication to deepen the intensity of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

We use Neuro-Linguistic Programming in the service of Coaching.

And we use the Coaching experience to make our Negotiation skills better.

Negotiation, in fact, encompasses many constructive attitudes: it is an Art of Encounter, a set of skills that must be correctly developed, a predisposition to listening, a positive code of conduct, a form of profound respect for oneself but also for others and, above all, a great opportunity to create a better world for everyone.

Negotiating means first of all 'being able to listen', that is, understanding the fundamental role of giving importance, time and space to the other person's thoughts before our own.

It means detaching ourselves from the inner jackhammer that tells us: "I want this, I want that, I want this...!", and focusing instead more on the fears, needs and desires of the other party. This is not a 'surrender to the other', but rather an attempt to capture his or her deepest negative and selfish thoughts by redirecting them towards 'new and better frontiers', agreeable to both. In addition, a constant effort to improve one's Art of Negotiation develops interesting and positive qualities, such as the ability to cooperate as opposed to that of bargaining, which is less effective and certainly more aggressive because it is predominantly based on the search for the interlocutor's weak sides. From this point on, one begins to understand the key concepts through which 'a fully accepted and serenely shared agreement between two or more substantially disagreeing persons' takes place.

But if you do not know yourself, the other party and what needs to be discussed to reach a common result, the Negotiation will fail.

The '4 Cs' of Negotiation are:

1- Having a common interest

2- Having a conflicting interest

3- Have an idea of an acceptable compromise

4- Have in mind the criteria through which to proceed for the Negotiation

The 5 main rules of Negotiation are:

1- Careful preparation for the meeting and study of the interlocutor's personality, his needs, his concerns. Of his fears, strengths, weaknesses and the context in which he lives.

2- Being able to build a relationship of trust, regardless of the social, political or religious position held, function or degree of authority represented.

3- Shift the focus of Negotiation to mutual interests and not to reciprocal positions.

4- Demonstrate sincere and effective readiness to make concessions to satisfy the demands that are more relevant to the interlocutor and less relevant to us.

5- Demonstrate calmness, respect, do not be in a hurry, be flexible and not rigid, do not get annoyed by the other's rigidity and remain open and listening attentively and deeply.

Every successful Negotiator knows that the top 10 skills required in Negotiation are:

1- Extreme clarity about one's BATNA (see explanation below)

2- Ability to establish a positive relationship and mutual trust

3- Ability to listen attentively, actively and deeply

4- Ability to ask the right and powerful questions at the right and powerful time

5- Not disdaining intelligent and 'life-saving' compromises

6- Awareness of the risk of 'Anchoring Bias', i.e. the possibility that a decision is caused by our first decision reference point to the exclusion of more important ones.

7- Having the possibility of formulating several advantageous offers (MESO: Multiple, Equivalent, Simultaneous Offers) with different variables whose nature and entity will vary while maintaining substantially the same final result desired by the promoter of the offer.

8- Be certain that there is a bargaining area in which both negotiating parties can identify common ground (ZOPA: Zone of Possible Agreement).  This "common ground" only exists if there is a visible overlap between mutual expectations regarding the outcome of the Negotiation.

9- Have in mind the Metanegotiation, i.e. the search and identification of any information or news, even of difficult availability, that can be used to facilitate and favour the Negotiation.

10- Never lose confidence in yourself and in the opportunity you are experiencing.

Other acronyms can help us understand the essence of Negotiation, e.g. BATNA: the best alternative for all parties involved. BATNA is an acronym that stands for Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. It is defined as the most advantageous alternative that a negotiating party can adopt if negotiations fail: a kind of 'parachute' that one must have to avoid anxiety, stress and aggression from failure. A BATNA is the residual possibility to hold on to in case the Negotiation does not work out as it should. It is of course the last of the bargaining tools and should only be used in the worst cases.

However, one must remember that Negotiation and Conflict are in complete opposition and one excludes the other, with the predictable consequences. Therefore, the use of Metanegotiation cannot and must never be provocative or blackmailing, but the data extracted must serve to create a common territory in which well-being, mutual trust, esteem, respect and common interests are the "powerful constants".

A Negotiator must never forget the 3Cs of Negotiation, namely being 'Comfortable, Confident and Convincing'. In order to achieve these 3Cs, it is essential to carry out a constant activity of personal growth aimed above all at dissolving those inner conflicts that, by causing conflict with others, would prevent any kind of effective Negotiation.

Nor should one forget the 'Three-Second Rule' whereby it has been proven that remaining silent for at least three seconds during one's turn to make an offer improves the quality of the relationship and the results obtained. On the other hand, however, very prolonged silence would create the opposite effect by causing embarrassment, discomfort or the impression that the Negotiator is in trouble.

This rule is however subscribed to by the most important Negotiators who add it to the 70/30 Rule indicating the right mix of one's communication: 70% listening and 30% talking. In fact, the more one is profoundly capable of listening detached from the immediate need to respond, criticise, counter-propose or object, the more one has control of that relationship and the possibility of leading it to the desired 'places'.

We have listed some of the essential requirements for good Negotiation quality, now let's see what not to do in this type of relationship:

1- Improvise unless strictly necessary and imposed by new and unforeseen conditions of the Negotiation. Preparation is essential and concerns oneself, the subject of the Negotiation and the other party, with its wishes and needs.

2- Do not be in a hurry, never look at your watch, do not get distracted by phone calls not related to the subject matter, do not try to conclude the negotiation as quickly as possible: haste in Negotiation is often synonymous with weakness, which is an enemy of any negotiation.

3- Do not make the Negotiation and its feedback "a personal matter". Do not stiffen up if you are faced with a negotiator who does not have the same skills or qualities as you.

4- As far as possible, do not accept a bad agreement but try to move the communication to unexplored, though potentially risky, common territories: a possible risk is better than the certainty of a bad agreement.

5- Don't negotiate too much, i.e. avoid a relentless ping-pong of offers and counter-offers.

6- Never be afraid to ask for what you really want and show no hesitation or uncertainty in expressing your convictions and wishes. But always do it with respect, elegance, sympathy and empathy.

7- As we all know there are 'Powerful Questions', but there is also 'Powerful Listening'! So learn the Art of Listening and the silence of a mind that reflects on what it has just heard without the urgent and uncontrolled need to answer, object, clarify or counter-argue. The ordinary person replies immediately, talks a lot and listens little, but the Professional Negotiator listens a lot and speaks little, at the right time, with few words, many glances and a lot of empathy.

8- Never start a Negotiation by assuming the worst acceptable outcome, but always aim for the best outcome shared with the other party.

9- Do not focus on the pressures you perceive but instead on those perceived by the other party and direct them in the direction you want.

10- Avoid mistreating the interlocutor, but treat him/her exactly as you would like to be treated. Negotiation, especially Win-Win Negotiation, is based on the idea that a win-win result should be achieved and that at the end of the meeting everyone should be happy that they have achieved the desired result in protecting their own interests. It is certainly not a simple or easy undertaking, but this is the true Art of Professional Negotiation.

11- We need to be particularly aware of our own and our interlocutor's body language. It is necessary to remember that the non-verbal signals we involuntarily express are often worth more than the words we speak!

12- It is of fundamental importance to know how to ask Powerful, open questions that avoid any 'a priori' exclusion. Closed questions, i.e. those that predispose the interlocutor to give a single answer in terms of 'Yes' or 'No' are always to be avoided.

This is one little part of the considerations that can be made about Negotiation and there would be so much to say that one could fill entire volumes of words. It is necessary to be clear in one's mind that one is within a space called Negotiation, which has its own rules, possibilities and opportunities.

And it is equally necessary to know that one is not within a space called 'Mediation', nor within that strictly related to 'Bargaining', nor 'blackmail, intimidation, threats, extortion or terrorism'...

But Negotiation is first of all Listening, Reflection, Thinking and then Action. It is a space and time that must be free and happy for all parties involved in the Negotiation.

It is practical, not theoretical, and fully applicable to every aspect of daily life, private or public. Using Negotiation also in social and emotional relationships is not a 'strange proposition': everything is always Negotiation, at any time and in any place. Developing this capacity and the appropriate techniques to express it successfully can mean the salvation of a romantic relationship or even that of one's life in the event of an attack.

Finally, developing the ability to Negotiate according to the healthy and positive criteria set out, can make one's environment better and be an example to others to try to build a new and better world together.

And, certainly, from the times we live in, there is a desperate need for a better world, in every sense…

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - April, 22, 2024).

"Is Coaching or NLP... better?", is a question I am frequently asked.

Naturally, "purists" of both disciplines are horrified and protest strongly at the mere suggestion that there could be a better one than the one they practise...

In reality, there can be no rivalry between intelligent things, situations and people.

On the contrary: cooperation and collaboration, integration and sharing are at the basis of the evolutionary development of that part of humanity that still believes in peace and not in war, in respect for mother Earth and not in its reckless exploitation, that dirties with the ability to clean and not to 'hide' the most dangerous waste at the bottom of the sea, that is, in the very heart of Life.

Even in the helping relationship, of whatever kind, it is necessary to intervene in an 'ecological' and 'naturalistic' manner, respecting the identity of the client and his or her current worldview.

So it is difficult to answer the question in this article, indeed: it is impossible.

Coaching and NLP require completely different approaches. 

It is useless in this article to go into the differences: at least a hundred pages would have to be written to illustrate in a comprehensible way for the neophytes or the curious what mainly distinguishes these two techniques.

Basically, NLP derives largely from the observations of Bandler, Grinder, Dilts and De Lozier on the work of psychiatrist and psychologist Milton H. Erickson, the 'father' of modern clinical hypnosis. Coaching, on the other hand, developed from W. Timothy Gallwey's attempt to make the Harvard University tennis team more perfomant.

So one could say that PNL addresses a receptive Client who is modulated by the technique to redefine behaviours, emotions or habits so that they no longer represent a limitation to his or her plans.

In early Coaching, on the other hand, one addresses a Client in motion, for example a sportsman, who is motivated by the technique to resolve certain of his behaviours, emotions or habits so that they no longer represent a limit to his projects.

Having studied and practised both techniques professionally for decades, I cannot say which of the two is 'the best', because an absolute answer does not and cannot exist.

When it comes to 'human beings' everything is strictly relative, with a variability due to mental and emotional states so vast as to be unpredictable, sometimes inexplicable.

Coaching offers an operational modality in which at the centre of the micro-world that integrates Coach and Coachee is the Client. It is an a circular Energy that must move freely between Coach and Coachee, going even further...

NLP has more the semblance of a descending Energy from the Practitioner towards the Client, in a nutshell a beneficial irradiation that rapidly dissolves and dissolves those physical and mental tensions that were an obstacle to personal success.

Purists', usually people who have only a mediocre command of one of the two techniques, cling tightly to what they think they know, to the exclusion of all else.

In reality, purists and conservatives should never take the path of the helping relationship. In fact, it is a path par excellence subject to multiple and often sudden changes, even revolutionising large parts of one's identity necessary to live more serenely an existence troubled by personal failures.

I find the expert use of NLP tools and techniques, if necessary, within a Coaching relationship logical and rationally understandable. For instance, NLP has techniques for quick resolution of symptoms that might be unresolvable or untreatable within a Coaching relationship and that might stop the Coachee in his tracks.

However, it is indispensable to attribute a certain (indeed very certain!), connotation to the type of this relationship: are we acting in the Coaching environment or in the NLP environment?

Has the Client signed a Coaching contract or an NLP contract?

Another basic identification is important to answer the question: am I a Coach or an NLP Practitioner?

After answering this last question and being active in spreading the chosen "way", nothing prohibits one from occasionally and if necessary, also using different techniques, borrowed from any helping relationship discipline in which one has a certain competence.

Over the last decade, I have noticed an increased social and professional interest in Coaching. Also, for this reason, many NLP Practitioners have had to "convert" and learn a new "language": that of Coaching. Unfortunately, there are NLP Practitioners who have cunningly thought of taking cheap shortcuts and "sell" NLP by passing it off as Coaching or, even worse, they call themselves Coaching "teachers" by proposing Courses that are evidently NLP study programmes...

Some leading American and British Schools of Coaching and NLP are proposing study programmes for their students that integrate the two disciplines by merging them together and calling them NLP Coaching. I do not know if this attempt is correct but it undoubtedly opens the mind to new perspectives.

Since there is no regulation of Coaching activities, nor a professional Register, maybe even with the institution of a "short degree" legally recognised by the Italian State, the diffusion of Coaching advances laboriously among successes and many failures, mostly due to incompetence and incapacity.

This is a pity because the Art of Coaching, if practised with competence and seriousness, really offers great opportunities to implement important changes through which to express to the full the potential that each person, without exclusions, possesses.

Reading, studying, attending conferences and seminars without territorial limitations (and therefore knowing at least the English language), and above all practising, practising and practising again...

Professional seriousness also implies continuing education to bring techniques and skills up to date with the times that are changing, lately at great speed, proposing new behavioural models that are completely different from previous ones. New ways of living and interpreting one's life, new ways of relating to others, new challenges and new difficulties that will have to be overcome by means of coaching that 'scrutinises in depth', never banal, opportunistic or authoritarian.

During my professional life, which began more than forty years ago, I realised that the secret to a positive and constructive relationship based on mutual trust and the achievement of important goals must be developed through precise guidelines:

• Softness': 70%, 'Roughness': (20%), 'Toughness': 10%.
• Never reverse the proportions.
• Never hit people in the personality and dignity.
• Always check before 'transmitting' whether people are in 'receive or transmit' mode and whether the transmission channel is matched.
• Respect subjective processing times and never compare them to your own.
• Never force in directions that are unwanted or opposed by the environment of reference: something akin to "mental" medieval 'quartering' could take place...
• Never be 'sullen' or 'professors', nor 'gurus' or 'improbable supernatural beings'...

Tenderness and sympathy combined, as Milton H. Erickson taught, with sincere empathy for those who climb the path of Personal Evolution and risk falling at every step. Small, simple 'breaths of Life': this is what we need to instil in all those who, fatigued, are short of breath and hesitant to tread the path of inner realisation.

Regardless of the type of technique used and without ever becoming "extreme and categorical fans" of one's own discipline to the point of denigrating all others: this is not behaviour that befits those who should have the great open-mindedness required of Coaches or NLP Practitioners...

So, the 'way to the best' does not lie in the technique but in the heart of the person who uses it and, in his competence, experience and seriousness.

Above all, the "best" lies in the privilege of entering into a relationship with a Coachee who grants us his trust and makes his efforts available to transform a Coaching into a Masterpiece.

We never betray this trust!

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - March, 29, 2024).

We do not always agree with the opinions of others because we are human beings, with ideas born from the precarious balance of strengths and weaknesses that characterises every person. But the exchange of opinions is the basis of all kinds of evolution: intellectual, scientific, philosophical and even spiritual. In this article I offer my opinions, with the hope, but without the slightest pretension, that they will be received with benevolence and interest.

The profession of Coach exposes one to the risk of exclusive choices, thus implying the exchange of clear-cut renunciations in order to obtain new, important "acquisitions" and openings in one's professional or private life, both one's own and that of the Coachee. It is necessary to know how to orient oneself not only within the limits imposed by the profession, but also by developing a strong awareness of oneself, of the Coachee and, above all, of the environment in which one lives.

We are in a society that, at least in appearance, seems to have developed a particular and positive sensitivity towards the search for and protection of 'differences'. 

Inclusiveness', along with 'political correctness', 'gender equality', 'environmental sustainability', 'social sustainability', 'combating racism and sexist expressions', welcoming 'immigration', are words that recur daily in newspapers all over the world. There is talk of combating climate change, waste management, energy efficiency and prioritising responsible consumption. Conversely, there is little interest in youth employment but, instead, increasing pressure on the debate concerning the rights of children of same-sex couples. In fact, there is talk of a right to parenthood for same-sex couples, without much thought being given to the rights of their children.

An exaggerated pretense of 'political correctness' judges John Wayne as a 'supremacist and racist', censoring his image or removing him from public places, and even the 1939 film 'Gone with the Wind' is hit hard: "...Hollywood cancelled its most watched and famous film ever. Reason: to keep it that way, without explaining and denouncing its racism, would be irresponsible...', says streaming video platform HBO Max.

Finally, in the name of 'Glitter Washing', fairy tales such as 'Cinderella', 'Snow White', Little Red Riding Hood' are labelled 'sexist', and run for cover by changing the basic elements of the narrative to fit the current mentality: "...Then comes the warning about the many fairy tales in popular culture, such as Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel, which are often "stuffed with sexist representations". The association deplores that most of these cornerstones of children's literature crush 'female characters to their stereotypes'. And fortunately there are also some strong heroines in the twenty-two volumes examined, who 'lead the action without depending on male characters', acknowledges the Hubertine Auclert centre. While still too many manuals speak of 'Homme' to refer to mankind. Moreover, in the domestic sphere 'the dominant if not unique model is that of a family composed of two parents and one or more children'. More specifically, the scholars warn, it is 'hetero couples with two children of different sexes. Hence the proposal to place more emphasis on diversified family models, such as single-parent or homoparent families, more in phase with France's boom in singles and 'mariage pour tous', the gay marriage law that is one of the flagships of François Hollande's socialist France...".

But traditional fairy tales, deeply rooted in the metaphors of folk wisdom and the 'seasoning' of children's dreams, must not be attacked by the false logic of social and cultural changes, because they must restore intact an image of the past.

It is then necessary to avoid implementing an extreme and obsessive protection of the youngest, which would put them in the sad condition of 'not knowing how to defend themselves' for not having developed an autonomous 'critical capacity', certainly and hopefully variable over time: it is essential to grant the child the possibility of assimilating a fairy tale and reinterpreting it in a free and personal way, on an inner level.

Italo Cavino, one of Italy's best-known and best-loved writers, after working for a good two years on the collection of the Italian fairy tale tradition (Fiabe Italiane, 1956), writes: "Fairy tales are, in their ever-repeated and ever-varying casuistry of human events, a general explanation of life, born in remote times and preserved in the slow march of peasant consciences down to us; they are the catalogue of destinies that can be given to a man and a woman".

Perhaps we are clumsily attempting to build a better world through exaggerated inclusiveness (which sometimes exposes itself to the real risk of being a gigantic 'business' or an instrumentalisation of the masses), which is not always applicable according to the natural laws that have determined the development of life in every sense and aspect.

Moreover, this 'tension' seems to create an agitation due to the irrational pressure of 'quickly wanting to change things' that has generated dangerous sources of aggression.

In essence, new forms of inclusion have caused new forms of exclusion, such as towards families previously considered 'normal', towards traditions and even against established authority...

Today, the classic greeting 'Ladies and Gentlemen' is no longer viewed with sympathy, because it clearly highlights a difference that 'must disappear': "we are all equal, and feminine and masculine should not represent a 'division', so this 'separation' must be eliminated"...

But are we certain that this is the right path for a constructive and positive evolution of humanity? Are we possibly causing a significant decrease in the perception of gender identity in adolescents?

The answer is an assertion and is confirmed by the impressive and constantly increasing number of transgender adolescents, while another large proportion experience their sexual nature in a very conflicting way.

Finally, to complete a vast and dangerous list of contradictions, in the same society that 'seems to aim at the beautiful, the just, the sharing, the inclusive, the sustainable, the politically correct, and the protection of minorities', we are witnessing a sharp rise in anti-Semitism that clearly indicates a huge step backwards compared to the reflections and teachings produced by the horrors of the Second World War.

At this point it is easy to get confused when trying to answer the question: are we moving towards a better or a worse world?

Is it a less violent world or a more violent one, where the indicator of violence is a clear factor in determining the quality of human evolution? The answer is immediate, documented by the evidence of wars and the resurgence of terrorism: it is a world that has become much more violent in the last twenty years.

Does the Coach have to delve into these issues, or does his professional role imply that he remains outside of any "political and social contention or change"...?

If the answer involves him/her, how should he/she take into account, evaluate and deal with these fluctuations of thought, which are not always clear and positive, in order to constructively insert them within the relationship with the Coachee?

And, finally, in what way could the most refined Coaching techniques clash against a society in a frenzied and disarrayed activity to escape a self-produced disorientation that becomes progressively more and more intense?

Motivation and the intention to 'Change the World' have always underpinned important developments in human society.
But are we sure that the required changes are really in line with the well-being of mankind and especially of the younger generations?

And in order to help a Coachee, the Coach should also have a good sense of the direction of social environment that contains both...?

...Or not...?

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - March, 26, 2024).

During my degree course in Clinical Psychology, I read many texts and took many exams. The same thing happened when I started studying Ericksonian hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and, finally, Coaching. Reading a book does not necessarily mean 'studying it'.... There are books one reads and others one studies.

Recently, when I joined the Association for Coaching on the recommendation of my Mentor, I did some research to better understand what this new 'reference environment' was. I noticed Stephen Palmer, honorary Member and former President of AC, among others, and started to consult a list of books written by him.

I bought 'Introduction to Coaching Psychology', thinking that it was, at least from the title, a text 'for study' and also because of the curious association between the two words: 'Coaching' and 'Psychology'.

Instead, I discovered with surprise and pleasure a book that can be both read and studied at the same time.

Moreover, I know from experience that in all the pages of an ordinary book, few concepts are spread out, sometimes exposed with excessive and boring redundancy. Whereas, in Stephen Palmer's book, almost on every page important concepts are presented with simplicity on which to reflect and take notes.

I also tried to understand the general meaning that the Author wanted to give to his writing, and I must say that his way of expounding ideas and hypotheses immediately won my attention and curiosity, arousing the desire to go deeper.

I will not attempt to summarise the book, but instead I have extrapolated universal concepts that are well suited to Psychologists who decide to explore a methodology with a less directive vision compared to classic Coaching. In fact, the Coach is not necessarily a Psychologist, but can come from different operating sectors such as, for example, sports or psychophysical wellbeing, business and team building, youth, etc.

At a time when uncertainty and lack of control are variables that emerged with overbearance during the 2020 pandemic, the need arises to incorporate and better define "Coaching Psychology" as an alternative to traditional Counselling and Psychotherapy, in an attempt to resolve the psychological destabilisation that this medical emergency has created, leaving difficult processing of bereavement, fear, disorientation, and questions about work and personal and professional futures.

The active ingredient of Coaching Psychology, as for all care-giver disciplines, is not only the application of appropriate techniques, personalised for the Client and expressed through those skills that Palmer and other authors take from solution-focused, and cognitive-behavioural theories, in turn used with a humanistic, integrated and constructivist approach. But the Relationship between Coach and Coachee is central and vital, in order for the techniques themselves to be effective through Alliance Working, in which objectives, actions and the bond of trust (with its constraints), respect and recognition of roles (Commitment) are clear.

The Coaching Relationship needs to be established, with reciprocal agreements on how to meet (the chemistry meeting is fundamental to assess any mental health or emotional-cognitive-behavioural issues before starting any relationship or connection with the Coachee), developed also with facilitating techniques (I would add: understood), maintained (the assessment allows at any time of the Coaching process the re-evaluation of the relationship) and concluded.

The further evolution of Coaching Psychology into Positive Psychology Coaching, emphasises the need for a practice that is evidence-based (or clinical practise guidelines or best practise guidelines), aimed at enhancing the client's wellbeing, resilience and success and not exclusively focused on identifying and achieving specific goals.

Indeed, an excellent relationship supports and amplifies an excellent technique!

As for the boundaries where one can or cannot operate, I wonder then what are those of the mind: are they all enclosed within the anatomical limits of the brain? No! The plasticity of the brain reveals how it is an intelligent organ that is able to cope with its traumas. It is therefore evident that there can be more than one figure capable of analysing the mind from different points of view... The mind is more than the box that encloses it: it transcends and exceeds even itself with intuition, insight, perceptiveness, creativity and why not with its spirituality.

The practice of Coaching lies within the intersection of Coaching Psychology, diversity (of gender, religion, race, culture, language, I would add, of personality) and the criteria of equality with the endorsement of a code of ethics recognised by the BPS (British Psychological Society-2018), where four fundamental ethical principles are highlighted: respect, competence, responsibility and integrity.

Stephen Palmer's "Introduction to Coaching Psychology" is a book that I really enjoyed because of the subtlety of its exposition and the ideas it expresses with decisiveness but also with simplicity.

It can be reread several times, discovering on each re-reading a solid "bridge" that allows one to reach new interpretative boundaries of a discipline, Coaching, that integrates surprising potential.

(Rossella Ciriello, Life Coach, Supervisor and Negotiator - March, 24, 2024).

In Italy there are dozens and maybe a few hundred interesting Coaches, professionally prepared and aware of the importance of their role in the impact with a society rather disoriented and confused by international events too big to be fully understood. However, there are also thousands of individuals who, behind the label of Coach, hide a profound ignorance towards this Art (as Robert Dilts defines it) and identify possible earnings and the desire for "omnipotence" as the only sources of satisfaction.

To further complicate this panorama, the attempts to regularise a non-recognised activity before the law, the Italian Accreditation Body (Accredia) is indicated as the body to provide a useless and unsolicited "accreditation", which, that after requesting payment of more than 1000 euro, proceeds to issue a "professional opinion" on the applicant...

The criteria according to which this “licence", that is neither required nor necessary for the exercise of the service, is to be awarded, let alone the specific professional skills of the so-called "certifiers", are not at all clear.

Indeed, as stated on their website https://www.accredia.it/: "Accredia is the Single National Accreditation Body designated by the Italian government, in application of European Regulation 765/2008, to certify the competence and impartiality of certification, inspection, verification and validation bodies of testing and calibration laboratories. Accredia is a recognised association that operates on a not-for-profit basis, under the supervision of the Ministry of Business and Industry".

As long as it certifies the competence of "bodies active in the validation of testing and calibration laboratories", it is a precise utility, supported by the need for accuracy and precision of certain instruments, nor are the technical qualities of the "assessors" questioned.

The verification of a Coach's actual competence is a more delicate issue. Several variables play a decisive role here, among which, in addition to a careful and in-depth study of the subject, it is necessary to have an excellent inclination towards communication, in all its forms. It is also of fundamental importance the real motivation that drives an individual to undertake the Way of Coaching, as well as the human experience and honesty he or she must bring.

Coaching it's a very complex job, because one is dealing with "people's dreams", often what is most precious to them in a difficult and complicated life. You are dealing with desires that, if fulfilled, could make the difference between "living" an active life or "dying" confined in a space and time that will never allow that flower to blossom, that intelligence to expand and that human nature in search of itself to evolve...

It is not enough to wear a "uniform" to be able to fulfil a specific function. It is not enough to pay for a useless "patent" to flaunt on one's website or business card, to be able to enter into a helping relationship with competence, respect, experience and professionalism.

The objection could be: "It's better than nothing, given a national situation that also presents coaches and trainers connoted by mediocrity and incompetence". Personally, I am convinced of the opposite: granting a "licence fee" is worse than nothing...

In fact, with the sentence on many course programme: "The Coaching Course is Recognised by the Coaching Association Italy (A.Co.I.) established under Law 4/2013. The content of the Coaching Courses complies with the Technical Standard on the Coaching Service "UNI 11601-2015" for obtaining the Certification on the Coaching Service", in most cases the client is deceived by presenting a service "of evidently superior quality since it is accredited"...

In Italy, the activity of Coaching falls under the so-called "professions not organised in orders and colleges" pursuant to Law 4/2013. This means that it is an occupational activity that can be freely practised simply by highlighting in professional contracts that it is carried out in accordance with the aforementioned law.

It is also possible to join associations, registered in the list of the Ministry of Economic Development, that define it, even though such registration is not required, nor is "any judgement of reliability" on the part of the Ministry of Economic Development recognised to said associations.

In fact, the Ministry clarifies well: "The registration of an association does not constitute recognition of the association itself and the possible presence on the list has a purely informative purpose, not a ranking value or the issuance of reliability judgments by the Ministry of Economic Development".

Can professionals not registered with any association or registered with associations not included in the list therefore carry out this activity?Certainly: the only obligation introduced by the law, in Art.1, Parag. 3, is to refer, in written dealings with the client, to the details of the law itself.

Summing up:

Art 1.1: The profession of Coach does NOT have an order nor an albo.

Law 4/2013: Regulates activities that are not organised in registers or colleges, in practice all those that do not have a professional register, among which also the profession of Coach. This means, first of all, that there is no national register of Coaches (nor can there be, nor should there be, according to the Law). Coaching is a free activity that does not foresee a Register, with all that this entails (as for the majority of free professions).

Art 1.2: The Law applies to those who habitually (not occasionally) and professionally (here intended as: "for a fee") offer Coaching services to third parties. The law therefore applies to those who habitually and professionally perform the profession of a Coach and receive payment for this activity from their clients. If a Coach acts informally, discontinuously and without requesting financial compensation, he is not bound by the legal obligations.

Art 1.3: The only obligation for the worker whose activity is Coaching is to affix on all formal and fiscal communications to clients the wording "Professional as per Law n. 4/13". This is an important clarification that makes it known that the service provider is not enrolled in any professional Register and is therefore not legally obliged to set behaviours to protect and guarantee the client.

Art 1.4. "The exercise of the profession of Coach is free and based on autonomy, competence and independence of intellectual and technical judgement". This is an indication that would like to sensitise Coaches to form an adequate preparation, both technical and human, but it is nothing more than a simple "invitation".

The real difficulty, and a very topical one, is to identify and certify the actual competences of a Coach or a Coaching School, beyond the lofty titles it displays or the useless certifications and accreditations it boasts. To try and define these competences, UNI (Ente Italiano di Normazione) has been activated and has in a first phase issued the "UNI 11601-2015" standard, concerning Coaching, through the definition, classification, characteristics and requirements of the service.

This standard actually cannot define Coaches's competences, but is limited to generic aspects on Coaching activities, therefore it too is absolutely useless for the purposes of a classification and certification guaranteeing with certainty the operational quality of a Coach or of a specific Coaching School.

The fact remains that in Italy any activity, useful or useless, demands payments that are often prohibitive for those who are at the beginning of a working pathway.

So there will be Coaches who are prepared and competent but cannot afford the cost of an accreditation (which, as we have seen, is useless and does not guarantee the client in the least), and incompetent Coaches who have been able to pay the price of an accreditation that, "on paper", makes them "better" than the others... A real danger for clients, caused by a "generalisation" that shows a reality that is often different from what it seems.

Furthermore, by what criteria can Accredia verify the professional competence of Coaches and Coaching Schools? I searched, but could not find anywhere a precise reference to requirements to be identified and "tests" to be carried out to accredit Coaches and Coaching Trainers.

Moreover, it is not up to the client to study the law or to verify that one verifier competently verifies the competences of others. This can mislead and lead to dangers both to Coachees and to the image of Coaching, giving rise to a distrust that can make the project of structured Coaching, defined as credible, desirable and qualitatively suitable for the purposes it aims to achieve, very distant.

I understand that the effort to call for an official ministerial certifier was made to get closer to the possibility of a Coach register, but I think, for many reasons, that this will not be done, as politicians usually try to avoid new problems to be managed, if not urgent and unavoidable.

One would also have to ask oneself the question "whether the economic business of Coaching schools is more profitable than the Coach's work with a Coachee". And the answer would probably be "Yes"...

It would probably be better to set up an "internal control body" made up of Coaches of unquestionable experience, i.e. with an impeccable "real, effective and successful history behind them", in charge of seriously assessing the real aptitudes of applicants. This evaluation could be conducted not in a single session but within an examination lasting at least a few days, during which the evaluator, in close contact with the candidate, observes his/her behaviour, abilities and predispositions "in the field", i.e. in the presence of "open Coaching sessions" with Coachees who have given their informed consent to this type of experience, in exchange for a lower cost of meetings.

In Italy often a "good thing for many" becomes a "business for a few" in which "clientelism" becomes the main rule. Coaching, on the other hand, should be nurtured with seriousness, passion, and study capable of achieving the competences and skills necessary for the State of the Art of a wonderful Coaching during which the most ambitious dreams could really be realised.

There are also Coaches and Trainers who come from NLP: nothing wrong with that, indeed they bring with them "tools" that are sometimes useful to unlock difficult moments in the relationship with the Coachee. Provided that the proportion is correct, i.e. that Coaching techniques prevail over everything else. Unfortunately, there are "Coaching Schools" run by individuals who have a smattering of NLP but no Coaching competence and sell Coaching Courses that are evidently centred on NLP programmes, as can be seen by reading their training proposal. Attention must be paid: Coaching and NLP are two very different interpretations of the helping relationship (i.e.: the approach is totally different), and it is a good idea for students and clients to be informed in advance about the real object of the service they are purchasing.

That's why if I want to be a Member of an Association I choose the one that I consider best for the Coaches that constitute it, for the international offer of updates and the stimulating sharing that it proposes to me, and not the one that "certifies" me according to Laws that currently cannot guarantee anything.

This is a precise invitation to the best and enthusiastic italian Coaches to "get out of the fence" and acquire an international outlook that will certainly make the Coaching you bring shine. 

And it is an invitation to italian customers to be careful and not to trust a simple "label", but to assess in great detail both the offer and the capabilities and real references of the provider.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - March,19, 2024).

Today there are interesting proposals for studying Coaching in Italy, but always "in one's own backyard"...

Instead, it is necessary to search for and find opportunities outside of one's "comfort zone".

For example in England, Nederland, Germany, France, Spain, Hungary, and also in the United States.

The professional Coach has the responsibility, if not the obligation, of continuous training capable of constantly developing their qualities and ensuring the maximum performance for their Coachee through international quality standards. For this reason, one of the indispensable qualities is knowing other languages.

Being able to participate in Conferences, Updates, Trainings, and Seminars anywhere in the world fosters a mental openness that generates a superior and deeper capacity for dialogue. Not always are American Coaches "the best", and not always are the most popular and highest-paid ones, those who attract thousands of people to their meetings, the ones with the greatest professional capabilities: it should not be forgotten that behind every potential or real market, there is a business that appeals to many. But among the many, some are truly interesting, innovative, and capable of promoting the evolution of Coaching with excellent insights and methodologies.

The world changes, people change, and falling behind means reflecting an obsolete Coaching, almost entirely useless.

Ten years ago we were one way, today we are another: it is necessary to take into account social changes that heavily influence individuals, causing strong limitations to their ability to express themselves 100%. And it is essential to adapt the technique to the human being and not the other way around!

Therefore, it becomes crucial to analyze the real motivations that drive a student to start studying Coaching.

Trainers  often hear: "I don't read or speak English well, I don't have the desire or time to learn it". "I want to practice but without committing to theory". "I want to theorise everything but never practice". "I don't feel the desire to compare myself with Coaches from other schools or other countries". "I want to be a member only to put it on my business card and make others believe something I am not and may never be". "I choose this profession because everyone else does". "I collect titles and one of them is a "Coach". "I don't feel the desire to compare myself with Coaches from other Schools or other countries". "I only want to be enrolled to put it on my business card and make others believe I'm something I'm not and maybe never will be". "I choose this profession because everyone else does". "I collect titles and one more is better than one less" "I want a comfortable way to earn money". "I want to become a Coach for personal prestige". "I need it to find a job...". "I don't need to study, I already know everything, but I want the Coach Certificate"...

No! This is not the right way to approach Coaching.

It's not so important to know languages well and in-depth: initially, an approximate knowledge supported by the intention to improve this skill is sufficient. I, too, rarely speak English in Italy, and when I'm abroad, I need several hours to get used to expressing myself in a language other than my own. But if you have passion for your work and consistency in effort, you discover a broader world filled with new stimuli.

Even at this moment as I'm writing and occasionally using an online translator when necessary, I realize that a native English reader would notice grammatical and stylistic errors. But this is "the goal within the goal": to strive to communicate, and if they understand this effort, they won't dwell on the errors but on the meaning of the writing. And it's precisely the same effort that must occur bilaterally between Coach and Coachee who often speak different languages, referring to "different life perspectives" that can lead to completely divergent behaviors and situational analyses. And, of course, Coaching cannot and should not be "divergence" but "convergence".

There may naturally be aspects of the relationship where there is not total convergence, but they must be clear, clarified and lead to a better understanding of oneself, the other, and the project to be developed.

It is precisely from a brief, polite, and constructive contrast that new qualities can arise, and one can proceed with that evolution that only the overcoming of certain obstacles can generate. But fundamentally, the Coaching relationship is based on agreement between the parties involved.

I like to believe that Coaching is a "bridge", solid and as wide as possible, built half by the Coach and half by the Coachee. Through this bridge, they meet and share the same project.

Following this metaphorical example, one understands that a part of the attention of both the Coach and the Coachee must be placed in the constant maintenance of their own part of the bridge, to avoid deteriorations or fractures that could cause the structure to collapse. So, a portion of the attention goes to one's own half of the bridge, another towards the project, and a third, no less important, is directed at strengthening the relationship with the other.

Without a bridge of bilateral communication, without a shared project, and without a true relationship, Coaching cannot act and perhaps does not even exist.

The fourth important element that must exist integrally and deeply in Coaching is "hope".

A project or a relationship that starts with little hope, cannot take off or reach a positive conclusion. Often, hope is all that remains in the heart of a Coachee, and the Coach must first of all increase that feeling and make it stronger. Hope is the "fuel" that, together with self-esteem, must materialize bilaterally in Coaching. Today, we all need hope much more than yesterday, and the Coaching relationship, in whatever sector it is applied, must be a "factory of hope", without ever creating false illusions or unattainable promises.

A fifth and crucial element is the preparation of the Coach according to international quality standards, combined with continuing education to keep him/her up-to-date and active.
Technique always comes after the human aspect, but it is crucial to help the Coachee develop those talents that will enable him to realise his Project.

Starting from small things will lead spontaneously and naturally to the great ones.

It will be a progression based on patience, perseverance, courage, and respect for assigned tasks, strictly following the principles of the Code of Ethics:

1. The Coach must respect the confidentiality and privacy of the Coachee, maintaining the confidentiality of information disclosed during Coaching sessions.
2. Coaches must exercise their profession with integrity, honesty and transparency, avoiding conflicts of interest and always acting in the Coachee's best interest.
3. Coaches must respect Coachees' right to autonomy and freedom of choice, avoiding to influence or manipulate Coachees' decisions for personal or other purposes.
4. Coaches must be competent and professional in their work, continuing to develop their competences and constantly update themselves on the most recent practices and theories in the field of Coaching.
5. Coaches must respect the dignity and value of each individual, avoiding discrimination of any kind and promoting an environment of mutual respect and acceptance of differences.
6. The Coach must establish and maintain clear and healthy boundaries with the Coachee, avoiding any form of abuse or exploitation and guaranteeing a professional and respectful relationship.
7. Coaches must be aware of their impact on Coachees and their environment, taking responsibility for their actions and the consequences of their work.

By following these ethical principles, Coaches can ethically and effectively guide Coachees towards the achievement of their goals and the improvement of their personal and professional well-being.

And, by striving and attempting, united together in the vision of a common Project, every obstacle, every barrier will be overcome.

It will be a wonderful "journey" that certainly, with these premises, will reach its Destination.

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - March,10, 2024).

Before practicing my profession as a Clinical Psychologist in a studio and later as Life Coach and Supervisor, I worked for five years in professional training, a couple of years in Career Counseling as a relocation consultant, and another four years in the multinational company Adecco, tasked with selecting the best candidates for key roles in medium-sized companies.

What became immediately apparent to me was that excellent candidates lost interest in the first three months of work, or it was the destination company that would dismiss them within that time frame. I wondered what could be the causes of this failure, but this task was made difficult by the fact that I almost never had the opportunity to review the selected individuals, nor did the requesting Company provide explanations for the decision made.

When comparing notes with English and German colleagues during training courses and seminars, I discovered that since the 1980s, especially in American companies, the selected candidate was almost daily accompanied by an Onboarding Coach during the first few months of work.

I read an article in a Business Coaching magazine that points out that a large percentage of new hires not followed by a Coach resigned from their position or were fired within the first four months of employment. I also read that 87% of staff selected for a new job and assisted by a Coach successfully completed the six-month period, establishing a strong, stable, productive, and lasting bilateral trust relationship with the company.

In Italy, this mindset does not yet fully exist, and cases of requesting Onboarding Coaching during the probationary period are rare, while the figure of a tutor who guides interns through the company insertion process is more common. However, this guidance does not possess the characteristics of Coaching because it is subject to a control process, most of the time bureaucratic and misaligned in comparing the required competencies, the actual ones, and the compatibility of the new hire with the pre-existing corporate culture.

Furthermore, years after that experience, while the problem still exists on one hand, there is no corresponding proposal for targeted assistance on this topic from the main Italian Coach Associations on the other.

Outplacement is characterized by significant pressures that the Consultant must deal with daily: the need for a quick conclusion of the selection process that makes the activity profitable, but also and above all, the low motivation and availability of candidates coming from difficult personal and work situations. Moreover, in this context, there is an autocratic approach where the candidate has little opportunity for intervention.

On the contrary, in Coaching, the role of the Coachee is much broader because encouraged and facilitated by the Coach in the free search for alternatives that imply a personal and fully "desired" choice.

What are the possible causes of conflict or perceived inadequacy during the first months of employment? Starting from the necessary base of compatibility between the required competence and that demonstrable by the worker, several variables can cause demotivation, disinterest, anxiety, anguish, frustration, mistrust in the company or lack of trust towards work colleagues.

Insertion is always a critical moment where the first impression from both sides can have positive or negative consequences in the immediate and future. For example, a rather cold welcome caused by natural antipathy for a new worker replacing an employee considered "unjustly dismissed" by colleagues can generate deep and dangerous conflicts.

But also, the assignment of an initially overly burdensome job description can lead to serious errors and high stress. Furthermore, when the references are not entirely clear and the newly hired individual is unsure about the existing hierarchies, they may enter a state of confusion, signaling impending problems.

It also happens that a new hire coming from a company where there was daily interaction with managers and executives, feels abandoned or isolated in a new reality that does not contemplate this frequency of relationships.

Finally, it is useful to emphasize that, especially in the first weeks and the first three months, the new hire may not have yet developed a sufficient relational depth with colleagues that allows them to engage, confide, or share any insecurities or frustrations with them. It is clear that they will try to vent their dissatisfaction outside the company, but if it were an individual with an inconsistent family life and poor social relationships, their negative emotions could only grow over time, gradually leading to possible burnout.

In the USA, a 2020 statistic confirmed that the investment in Onboarding Coaching by companies, avoided the significant costs due to the repetition from scratch of the entire selection and hiring process, in addition to the inconveniences of a vacant or partially filled position.

What should an Onboarding Coach involved in accompanying a worker in a new operating context focus on? The goal is not the work itself, but the facilitation in the Coachee of those changes necessary to face the difficulties of a new work environment by integrating perfectly with it. In fact, the worker is already technically capable of fulfilling the task for which they were hired, as they have passed a selection process that has carefully analyzed their skills. The real focus is on a gradual and selective introduction into a micro-society with its rules and habits, made up of people who have developed their way of communicating and relating, at least within the company. Furthermore, the presence of an Onboarding Coach can greatly alleviate the hostility or antipathy that could be triggered in the first hours of the worker's presence, quickly compromising the attempt at a gradual but constructive and positive integration.

It is also known that new hires tend to express performance anxiety produced by the new environment through dynamics of "flight" "defense" or "attack" and, of course, these are three wrong and dangerous behaviors.

Others, to be "accepted" tend to be overly communicative from the start, annoyingly and unnecessarily. Others, on the contrary, isolate themselves (or are marginalized, or both), hindering the creation of that "connective tissue" so important for a correct and performing insertion.

If we then add any past grievances, company problems, and conflicts between employees, complications can arise that will lead to a rapid conclusion of the trust relationship and the employment contract.

As a preventive measure, it is possible to integrate into the main role of the Onboarding Coach a secondary but no less important function that satisfies the company's desire to confirm, even years later, a specific position on which there is currently uncertainty. Or a reparative Onboarding Coaching activity towards unstable positions, whose skills, considered essential or indispensable, deserve an attempt at "updating" and "adapting" to working conditions that propose new challenges.

The turnover of managers, executives, and workers, if in some cases can give new vitality to business activities, in others represents a real "engine-brake" which, in an extremely competitive production reality, could cause considerable economic or financial losses.

The Coach could therefore intervene preventively to facilitate in the Coachee a correct recalibration of their commitment and their corporate functions, or to try to initiate a constructive self-analysis in a Coachee who has lost sight of the needs of the company for which they work.

This type of intervention would significantly reduce the need to proceed with new personnel selections, with all the training and introductory problems always present in every hiring process.

Although my main field of action at the moment is Life Coaching, I have my own Onboarding Coaching programme which has yielded good and positive results from the very first days of application. It would be interesting to structure a national Onboarding Coaching Course in Italy, aimed at Coaches who deal mainly with companies, team building and management and personnel selection.

By bringing together the specific competences of the main Italian Coaching Associations, a unified Programme of intervention in the area of Onboarding Coaching could be drawn up, so as to apply a common operational model designed according to the highest international standards.
Certainly many companies would be interested in promoting an operational pathway aimed at optimising human resources in the work environment. Furthermore, they could avoid the loss of important and hardly replaceable resources.

(Rossella Ciriello, Life Coach, Supervisor and Negotiator - March, 9, 2024).

An "iron rule" of Coaching is studied and imposed: the Coach must not deal with the Coachee's past, but with the future.

The Coach must not concern himself with that large part of the Coachee's life lived before the start of the Coaching process.

It must not matter to the Coach if the Coachee has been abused, if he/she has incompletely elaborated abandonments and bereavements, if he/she has been marginalised, bullied, humiliated by an experience that presented him/her with many defeats and very few victories…

It should not matter to the Coach on what basis the Coachee's desires are born and are part of the Project to be realised.

If they are based on frustrations, on deprivations, on envy or jealousy, on the desire to "prove to others who he/she is...", on a long-awaited consent, approval or recognition never received from one of the most important parents or relatives.

But even if he knew the Coachee's past, he should also be able to assess its importance without invading the realm of applied Psychology.

And it is very unlikely that a Coach would instinctively access knowledge that requires years of study and practice in psychological laboratories.

Moreover, it is strictly forbidden by Law to step outside one's competence and attempt to enter fields of which one has no academic competence.

So how can one approach trying to help the human conundrum without understanding exactly “where it comes from” and what its most important and 'dragging' emotions, positive or negative, are formed from?

This is a very delicate and difficult balance: on the one hand, the Coach must not invade the Psychologist's field and must stay out of reasoning and analysis for which he/she does not have an officially and legally recognised competence.

But on the other hand he cannot completely ignore the Coachee's past and indeed has a duty to understand what all previous failures stem from.

Not to start “Psychotherapy”, but to assess precisely which is the correct mode of support to provide.

The relationship between Coach and Coachee arises, like all relationships, from an encounter.

A meeting in which two experiences, two wills and two hearts begin to confront each other and build "bridges" through which to share reciprocal activities towards a common goal: the Coachee's Project.

The Coachee's past cannot be excluded from this meeting; on the contrary, it is fundamental to know it in order to correctly calibrate the level of tasks to be initially assigned.

I note that in most Associations there is total compliance with the request to deal exclusively with the future of the Coachee.

On the one hand I agree on a type of vigilance that must be carried out to avoid that "a desire for omnipotence" pushes the mediocre and poorly grounded Coach to become a sort of guru who takes over Coachee's life pushing him/her in directions he/she shouldn't or couldn't go.

Many "mavericks" in Coaching and not only in Italy, cause considerable damage both to their unfortunate Coachees and to the image of this beautiful profession.

On the other hand, anyone can understand that a Coach with "hands tied too tightly" will not be able to develop all the potential derived from their experience, technique, and above all, their humanity.

Therefore, there needs to be more clarity in the training of Coaches, and Associations should perhaps address this issue even with seminars and conferences to which Psychologists and Counselors are invited.

I personally do not believe that the “best Coach” can be a Psychologist who also practices Coaching simultaneously.

They are two totally different methodologies, and an overlap is never appropriate or decisive.

Rather I think that the modern Coach, and especially the Life Coach, should gain a lot of experience, not only in Italy, to understand how to "get off the rails without going off the rails and without derailing.

The professional Coach must develop a precise capacity that allows him/her through technique, experience and humanity, to help the Coachee taking into account his/her past and avoiding accidentally re-proposing it to him/her.

But above all to help him sow new seeds in a field made fertile by the Coachee's willingness to "do something to substantially change his present and his future".

Past, present, and future are indeed closely linked, and it is impossible in the "helping relationship," which also includes Coaching, to ignore this fact. Perhaps the solution to this seemingly unsolvable problem lies in the importance of a second and concurrent relationship, no less important than that between Coach and Coachee: that between Coach and Supervisor. The Coach who chooses to have a Supervisor even after years of practice is intelligent and deeply aware of the importance and delicacy of his profession. Referring periodically to one's Supervisor is certainly not humiliating: in this way, in addition to having an "expert" comparison and the opportunity to observe things from another point of view, the risk of the tendency to omnipotence and that of domination towards the Coachee is significantly reduced.

Let us therefore admit that knowledge of the Coachee's past is indispensable, but not filtered through generalization, hasty judgments, or skills that one does not possess. But from that common sense that arises from experience, study, continuing education, and constant confrontation with objective, sincere, balanced colleagues, capable of supporting a weight without carrying it and of accompanying without pushing...

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - March, 5, 2024).

The idea of "Generative Coaching", by Robert Dilts, has existed since 2010, and I remember discussing it at several meetings of an Italian Coaching Association in 2015: no one knew about it, and no one seemed particularly interested in the topic!

Just a few weeks ago, I read an advertisement promoting a conference in Italy by Robert Dilts, emphasizing a "new concept":

"Generative Coaching, February 8-9, 2024 – Develop your Coaching skills with the method developed by the world's most esteemed Coaching and NLP expert. Do you want to learn a new and unique Coaching method directly from Robert Dilts? The world's number one Coach, Robert Dilts, will be coming to Italy to bring a deeper and more personal type of Coaching, capable of generating lasting changes in others better than traditional Coaching: I'm talking about Generative Coaching. Inquire for Generative Coaching!".

Generative Coaching: a "new method" in 2024...?

Where were the Italian Coaches during these fourteen years...?

Essentially, Generative Coaching aims to stimulate creativity in all its aspects. Just as intuition prevails over reasoning, finding answers by "intuiting" an exit route that had escaped mere rationality, creativity can identify solutions that would not otherwise have appeared through common analysis of the situation.

Indeed, through creativity, we become capable of doing something completely new in our lives and for our lives. Our problem-solving ability depends on many factors, including our past experiences. However, when past experiences are not significant, or when they involve catastrophic or completely unresolved events, they become useless in attempting to solve more serious and urgent problems.

As Dilts emphasizes, "For Generative Change to occur, one must be in a generative state and not set a rigidly precise goal but only an intention. Because to generate something completely new, you will need to work simultaneously with multiple and often contradictory 'maps'."

In a world so eager to endlessly repeat the same results and frightened by real novelties, the idea of creativity seems anachronistic. We witness a lack of creativity in every sector: in music, painting, fashion, consumer goods, social media communication, television, and in every type of relationship. "Why change if it works?"... In reality, not much works in today's society, almost accustomed to wars, violence, dishonesty, and all kinds of insipid demands justified by "political correctness"...

When I teach Coaching, I like to use the following metaphor:

"Almost everyone, when they leave their homes to enter the outside world, at work, in private life, in sports, wears a 'mask' designed to provide a certain 'presumed security' in the relationships they will face that day. When they return home, they take off the mask and reclaim 100% of their identity. But on a bad day, coming home rather frustrated, angry, disappointed, and defensive, that person forgets to take off the mask. The next morning, due to a thing called 'generalization' in NLP, they don't notice they still have the mask on and wear another one over it. Perhaps they will remove it when they return home, but the mask they forgot to remove will still be on their face. Or maybe they'll forget about that one too, and every day they'll apply another mask over the previous ones..."

It's clear that over time, that person will lose the ability to recognize themselves and lose a part of their identity. No amount of rationality or reasoning can help them find themselves again. Only a creative act, a generative relationship, a Generative Coaching, and an equally Generative Change can evoke useful and necessary insights to solve the problem and regain control of their life. In fact, without the filters of masks and self-awareness, it's possible to enter a state of generative performance through the question: "What should my attitude be to act and transform a simple positive intention into reality?".

Finally, it's necessary to connect this new state of attention with a connection to the "toolbox and skills", that is, to that inner place where all the things we have learned from teachers, mentors, family, nature, etc., reside. And, in that room, we will certainly find a rather detailed list of tools and skills that, in some way, we still need to acquire to achieve our goal with a simple "intention" developed well and naturally expanded.

Another connection to be made together with the Coach is to understand how to move from the current state to the desired one. At this point, an inevitable comparison is needed between the possible internal and external "obstacles" to us. One of the main internal obstacles is distrust, that is, the lack of hope, perhaps aggravated by low self-esteem.

One of my first teachers, in the mid-1980s, used to say, "If you have an unhappy client who wants to realize a project, before anything else, deal with his unhappiness, even if he haven't explicitly requested it." I also remember a dedication that Jeffrey Zeig wrote in a book I purchased: "Personalize your message for the heart of your client..." When the client and their project are separate entities, the path is closed. When the client begins to believe in themselves first, developing confidence and self-esteem, and then in the project, the path opens, and if there are obstacles and resistances here and there, they will be patiently and diligently removed, with confidence, passion, and generative creativity that will produce an equally generative change in the heart and mind.

Robert Dilts describes Generative Coaching as follows: "... So, we can say that Generative Coaching is a form of Coaching with a capital 'C'. Instead of focusing on a specific category of behavior, we are shifting our focus to 'What do you most want to create in your life?' And then 'How will you achieve that?' Once again, it's about bringing something from the quantum field of possibilities into concrete actions. For us, Generative Coaching is paving the way for a new generation of change work".

The first generation of change work involved an authoritarian relationship, focused on past problems, and centered more on words than action. The second generation of change work consists of a collaborative relationship, oriented toward the future, and focused on action rather than theory. The third generation of change work is effective for creatively, sensing the right way to reach new places of being, which require new life solutions through substantial and deep change.

Dilts says: "As we have emphasized, this third generation of generative change work is necessary and more effective when the goal is to create something new and unprecedented, especially in situations involving a high level of change and uncertainty."

The phases of Generative Coaching are six: Identifying a Coaching Territory - Establishing a positive intention/direction - Developing a generative (creative) state - Acting -  Transforming obstacles and resistances - Establishing practices for continuous creativity.

In "Transforming obstacles", one must have the appropriate mental openness to identify conflicts, the secondary benefits of a problem, and the external pressures produced by individuals who do not desire profound change in that person.

From my personal point of view, although I highly appreciate the perspective of Generative Coaching, it seems to borrow methodologies and systems from NLP in some ways. Even the Timeline tool is used to send "messages from the future" to oneself. Perhaps because the method's dissemination requires and demands an enunciative redundancy that satisfies students from various parts of the world with different views of personal and social reality. On the other hand, why give up useful tools that are already "ready to use"? But I believe that the "concept of creativity" alone should and could be sufficient to inspire Coaches to implement a "case-by-case personalized Coaching" or, even better, a message customization perfectly tailored to the "heart of the Coachee".

Dilts points out: "Generative Coaching is a way to practice creativity so that you have the fortune of creating worlds that we all want to belong to" and it is a very beautiful "intention" to fully embrace.

In the third volume, Dilts specifies once again: "As we have emphasized in our previous volumes, Generative Change means creating something new or doing something in a completely new way. Generative change is necessary when you can no longer continue to do what has been done before, either because it is not possible or because it no longer works. If we look at the challenges we face today in our world, it seems obvious that Generative Change is necessary now more than at any other time in human history. In big and small ways, we need to do things differently. A 'Coach' is literally a vehicle that takes you from a current state to a desired state. Generative Coaching involves helping ourselves and others move from our current states to desired states that did not exist before. Generative Coaching is also necessary when we need to create a completely new path to reach a desired state that we have already reached before but can no longer achieve in the same way. In today's world, we need both: to achieve new milestones and new ways. Not only do we need and want to go to a new place, but we also need to get there using new approaches. For this reason, in Generative Coaching, we express our desired state as an intention to create something, rather than as a determination to achieve a specific goal in a particular way. When we start a journey of Generative Change, we cannot know all the details of either the path or the destination".

The antithesis of the generative state is the state of CRASH: Contracted, Reactive, Analysis Paralysis, Separated, Hostile. Here, the variables of Values, Beliefs, and Convictions, Actual Skills, Rooted Behaviors, and Reference Environment play a crucial role and can create very high barriers and resistances to personal evolution.

The relationship in Generative Coaching creates a container that allows all dimensions of the change process to be contained and for harmonious and sustainable solutions to be found.

In his work, Dilts outlines the characteristics of a Generative Coach with an acronym: Centered, Open, Aware, Connected, Holding. In his three books on Generative Coaching, he draws from both NLP and Milton H. Erickson's groundbreaking work and his unmatched Art of Communication in the service of change. I recommend purchasing the three books, especially for Coaches who have not delved into NLP or Milton H. Erickson.

In a world where everything must be strictly under control, I doubt that the concept of "creativity" will be welcomed with open arms, but it is certainly a "Territory" to explore with attention, dedication, and trust. The concepts of "intention", which replaces the rigid principle of "coordinated and determined will", and that of "stimulating creativity", which replaces a slower and often lacking "rational analysis", are more than sufficient contributions to begin working on change in a completely new, deep, and original way.

We must shift attention away from everything that is known and toward new and unexplored territories. On the other hand, as NLP also teaches: "The Map is not the Territory"...

(Giuseppe Platania, Master Coach, Mentor, Supervisor and Negotiator - February, 24, 2024).

What do we mean by identity?

Identity is the instrument through which we control, verify, and evaluate our belonging and hierarchical insertion into a collective entity that can be "micro" (for example, family, friends, work colleagues...) or "macro" (homeland, ethnicity, faith...).

Initially, there is the process of identification, through which a subject identifies people or groups with whom they want to share certain "similarities."

Then comes the process of individuation, through which a subject asserts, despite a basic shared identification, some differences even from the belonging group.

Through the process of imitation, a subject relates to society by reproducing and making their own acquired behaviors, both consciously and unconsciously.

Finally, there is process of internalization, a phenomenon whereby a subject tends to formulate a self-assessment mainly based on judgments and behaviors of others towards them.

We see, therefore, how a correct perception of our identity is crucial for filling the tanks of self-esteem and providing powerful fuel to our actions and the success of our most important projects.

Origins of American Coaching (1983-2000), often mediated by NLP, were mainly focused on acquiring skills deemed essential for achieving specific goals.

The Coach was a technician who cared little about the Client's identity concept but proceeded with a simple "accounting" where, if the certain and present resources were "x" and those required were "x +n," all the work focused on recovering that "n."

Modern Coaching, developed over almost fifteen years of activity and research, whose data are based on reliable and concrete statistics, today places the Client's identity as the first center of interest to explore in the work design phase.

The question to be answered is:

"Who am I...?"

We answer this question continuously, even unknowingly, through our verbal and non-verbal behaviors. If we are in close and positive connection with both ourselves and the external world, we stay in contact with reality in a constructive, evolutionary, and naturalistic way.

It is no longer a matter of a "copy and paste" of qualities and resources necessary for the purpose (as preached by NLP), but rather a work of structuring (or restructuring) the Client's identity in a functional and positive way, regarding their interests and the positive goals they want to achieve.

Identity-level Coaching helps the Client understand whether their channels are open or closed and blocked. The fears underlying the "closures" will be examined and brought back into the "green zone".

Immediate, positive and desirable transformations will originate from the reopening of these channels. This is why the figure of the Life Coach is also defined by Robert Dilts as a "Transformational Entrepreneur".

The Path of Self-Knowledge:

Therefore, a preliminary work of self-awareness, carried out by the Client with the help of the Coach, becomes indispensable. This allows an evolution that makes it possible, in a natural and facilitated way, to achieve a goal previously considered unattainable.

Through the path of self-awareness, the Client discovers, recognizes, and uses new physical and mental resources that, applied to real and everyday life, open new doors, new horizons, new emotions.

Certainly, within one of these "new horizons", the Client's Project and its realization will be contained.

This is a real path of personal growth that puts the Client in a position to acquire, first of all, a new and better "identity" and, consequently, to achieve not only "that Project" but, by analogy, also other goals not necessarily related to it.

The path of self-knowledge takes place in four distinct phases called "Client's awareness" which are decisive for the correct acquisition of Values, Beliefs, and Convictions fundamental for the Transformation that will lead to a True Change: the one originated from Generative Coaching.

The four phases of the Client's Self-Knowledge Path are:

1. Awareness of "who" they really "believe they are".
2. Awareness of "who" they really "want to be".
3. Awareness of the problems related to their current way of being ("who" others believe they are).
4. Awareness of the advantages related to a new and better way of being, distinct from the previous three.

Once the analysis of the four phases is completed, and ensuring that the Client is actually ready to face both the advantages and disadvantages of rapid transformation (never obtained outside the Ericksonian learning times), the Coaching project begins.

(January, 29, 2024 - Excerpt from the book: "Visione e Realtà nell'Arte del Coaching" - 2014, by Master Coach Giuseppe Platania).

Every Life Coach must know how to identify the possible presence of the "Failure Device" in the Client.

This is a psychodynamic mechanism that can be activated shortly before the achievement of a goal, leading to final failure.

It is often seen in athletes of certain sports such as, for example, tennis: young talents with exceptional gifts but who let the outcome of the match be decided by negative emotions, nerves or the "presumption of not being worthy of winning" or a strange sense of guilt in the event of victory...

How many people have come within a millimetre of the desired result only to fail disastrously due to apparently inexplicable and particularly self-destructive behaviour!

The "failure device" presents itself as a well-considered "collection" of thoughts and actions but, in essence, characterised by a strong self-limiting potential that, acting both on the environment and on the subject itself, determines the final failure.

The deactivation of the "failure device", if present in the Coachee, must take place before any other Coaching action.

We have already seen how, at the basis of the rejection of success there can be a very serious lack of self-esteem, determined by what can be defined as a "major rejection" suffered in a "critical environment".

The elements of the Failure Device are five:

-The Metaprogrammes (usually induced but also self-induced interpretative filters)

-Beliefs (forms of generalisation about life lived and the world)

-Values (evaluation and self-assessment filters that generate, if not satisfied, very powerful "guilt feelings")

-Memories (what happened yesterday will influence tomorrow: if this "logical consecutio" is not broken, tomorrow will hardly be different from yesterday and today)

-Decisions (all those based on the continuous repetition of failure behaviour or dictated by failure devices other than Metaprogrammes).

Note: some decisions can also turn into beliefs and even values.

I will not go into the maximum conceptual detail of the constituent elements of the Failure Devices because this manual is intended for professional Coaches, i.e. personal growth experts who have already actively practised an important and in-depth cognitive path within personal, social and relational dynamics, as they are dealt with by both general psychologymand neuro-linguistic programming.

However, I feel the need to stop attention on the main causes of failure in Coaching by listing them:

1. Device of Failure (both in the Client and in the Coach himself)

2. Poor quality of relationship between Coach and Coachee

3. Unclear objectives

4. Errors in timing and planning

5. Lack of Coachee awareness

6. Customer learning time ignored

7. Incorrect application methodology

8. Incorrect context analysis (difference between current capabilities and required capabilities)

9. False idealisations of the self not addressed

10. Incorrect assessment of the Environment (difference between current and future environment)

11. Establishment of an affective relationship

12. Difficulties in adequate energy recovery

13. Incorrect analysis of opposing agents

14. Insufficient reward or self-premium

15. Desire for success without change

16. Ignored existential and relational problems of the Coachee

We could add, for the sake of completeness, a final point to be found in the "adverse fate", i.e. any abnormal, unforeseen and unpredictable event that leads to a rapid failure of the Coaching Project.

But good and careful planning with deep and positive relationship usually prevails over any "adverse fate".

(October, 12, 2023, Italy - Excerpt from the book: "Visione e Realtà nell'Arte del Coaching" - 2014, by Master Coach Giuseppe Platania).